First, a confession:
I’ve been known to moan about my weight, bemoan my waning energy, grumble about pain, and otherwise hate my physical self. If you spend much time around me, you probably laugh at my claim that I love my body.
I know I used to laugh just thinking about it. What is there to love about my aging body? I decided to write to see what I could discover. “I write to find out what I’m thinking,” says Joan DidionAnd I believe I do too.
So, I sat in front of a blank screen for a long time, my fingers still on my keyboard, tempted to scrap this project and go back to writing about memory and trauma and retirement and the spiritual side of aging. Forget your aging body, A little voice muttered in my head.
Wait long enough, though, and inspiration strikes.
Turns out I really like some things about my 65-year-old physical self.
Five things I love about my body
1. It adapts.
I know I’m not as physically strong as I was in my 20s and 30s. And I know that my aging body has limitations and that those limitations may increase as I move into my 70s and 80s. I’m not confused about my body’s ability to weather the year. At least, I don’t think so. (I guess if you’re delusional, you’re probably the last to know about it.) But now, in my 60s, it fits nicely with changing physical demands.
When I was in my 50s and wanted to clear an overgrown plot to start a garden, my body said, “Yes, let’s go!” I basically learned to work from sitting down to digging up tree trunks, clearing brush, working the rototiller, axing, weeding and harvesting. Although I had never done any of these things before in my life, my body adapted to my new needs. I develop strength. My stamina and flexibility have increased. My body was a willing partner for the gardening and other strenuous physical activities that my stage of life demanded.
Now that I’m in my 60s and have significantly reduced my gardening tasks, it’s still adapting to new and different challenges. Since sizing up to a new home in a neighborhood that has a maze of well-maintained sidewalks, I’ve been walking for exercise much more than in the past. I walk up the stairs to my house and look at the flower beds in my yard. My body adjusted to this new activity with another, “Yes, let’s go!”
I know that there may come a day when I ask it to take on new challenges and it will respond, “Well, maybe.” And there may come a time when it says, “Sorry, nobody can.” But for now, it grows and creates whatever new energy and power I need.
2. It adapts to me when I neglect or mistreat it.
I love cheese fried food tempts me beyond my ability to resist. I’m addicted to sweets, and sometimes I enjoy a little whiskey.
I always like to get up early for yoga and meditation. I always intend to take the dog for a vigorous daily walk. I plan to go to the gym again. Indeed, I do.
But I failed in all this. I don’t take care of my body like I should. I didn’t maintain my ideal weight or pay enough attention to conserving my energy.
I don’t feel like my body. It works properly and serves me as if I am treating it well. I know that may change with time and more failures. But for now, it continues to work for me.
3. Let’s talk about sex.
When I was 62, I married for the second time. After my divorce from my first husband, I didn’t think I would ever be in an intimate relationship again. But here I am.
Sex now isn’t like it was in my 20s. My body is different, and responds differently in the bedroom than it did when I was younger. But, I’m happy to report, it responds. Sex is possible and enjoyable in my 60s. It’s nice to feel close to other people again. Intimacy is more, shall I say, intimacy now. Love moves more slowly, and the touch is more luxurious. Things are going great.
Thank you, my body, for giving me this joy as I age.
4. It still looks like mine.
When I look in the mirror, I see that I am old. But I still see me. The child I once knew looked back at me. I saw that the young woman became the child.
Some days, I look exhausted by the accumulated years. My skin is not as flushed as it once was. My hands are not as strong as before. I can’t find my hip bones anymore (unless I really try). I’m not as slim and graceful as I once was. But despite all the changes, I still see my younger self in the mirror.
My body tells me I’m still me.
5. It holds out possibilities for the future.
Over time, my body continued to improve. It invites me to keep moving and reminds me that I am still useful to others. It allows me to hold hands and give hugs.
It promises that I can still get stronger, leaner and more fit, and face new physical challenges if I choose. A lot is still possible.
Now, I know that no one has any guarantees. Things can change in an instant. And I know that my body will let me down one day. It is inevitable. But right now, it indicates that it will serve me well for a long time yet.
And for that, I am grateful.
Previously published Georgia Kreiger’s blog
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