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“When you get up in the morning, think about what a precious opportunity it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” ~Marcus Aurelius
Gratitude
It was a very triggering thought for me and sometimes it still is.
It’s a process of uncovering what it means to me, and when I’m in active trauma or grief, I feel like there’s nothing to be grateful for. It’s okay to be in these places.
Gratitude is one of the plethora of tools I’ve used (when I’m able) to change my perspective on my situation and feel a little better – and it’s the one thing that’s kept me alive.
Statistically, I shouldn’t be here. Not just alive, but healthy and safe.
Do you know the ACEs (adverse childhood experiences) test? Yeah, well, I flunked (pun intended) that test. Ten out of ten, which gives me the award… significantly more likely to have mental, physical, and behavioral health problems and a shorter life expectancy.
My entire childhood was a tornado of chaos. I had parents who were severely addicted to crack. He was physically, sexually and emotionally abused. Drug dealers were in and out of the apartment. Children’s Aid workers stopping by to visit were a common occurrence.
I didn’t know if I was going to get home from school, nine-year-old me, and my parents died of an overdose. Sometimes they didn’t leave their house for days, which filled me with anxiety that felt like a heavy stone in my stomach.
Family and friends ended up either in jail, on the streets, in addiction, or dead before their time.
Sometimes we were evicted, and sometimes I didn’t have food, so I hid packets of oatmeal in my room for emergencies. Like I said, chaos. Maybe you can relate?
This is where gratitude comes into the picture. Seems like there would be nothing to be thankful for in this nightmare I was living in, right? Well, call it delusional optimism, whatever, but I’ve found things to be thankful for.
Oh, I told a teacher that they believed me? grateful Oh, I got lunch today And Dinner? grateful Is mom and dad alive today? grateful I am not beaten today; i am grateful
You see, I firmly believe that surviving my childhood gave me a super-powered sense of gratitude that I carry with me today. And I believe it exists in all of us, but sometimes we can’t access it, And that’s okay. When we can, though, it can be a beautiful thing.
I am so grateful sometimes, I can hardly stand it, and I cry tears of joy. I live in my own safe house, where I can go to the kitchen and get whatever I want to eat without fear of being beaten? wow It doesn’t even have to be tied to hurt or sadness, this feeling of gratitude. You mean I can turn on the faucet and get clean water on demand? grateful
I have all my limbs. i can see i can write i can read I have a smartphone. i can drive grateful
Sometimes, if we stop for a second and think about the things we are grateful for, if we are able, it can literally change our brains. The more we think about the things we are grateful for, the more we begin to notice and see things to be grateful for. It becomes our default programming.
Listen to me here. I’m not suggesting that we pretend that everything is sunshine and rainbows. (But when was the last time you noticed and appreciated a rainbow?) We all suffer. Things happen, bad things.
Sexual Assault Survivor Hi, how are you? i see you Domestic Violence Survivor Hi, nice to meet you. I’m listening to you. i am with you
Life is hard, and if anyone gets it, I do. I have a diagnosis of complex post-traumatic stress disorder which is a lifelong friend that I have had to learn to accept. Some days I feel like throwing gratitude out the window.
But I know it makes a huge difference in my mental state, so I keep working on it.
Here are some practical steps and lessons I’ve learned from gratitude. Please don’t take these as things that must be followed or judge yourself on a scale of gratitude. If these things are not accessible to you, it’s ok
Starting (and ending) your day with gratitude is powerful.
Starting your day with gratitude has the power to paint the rest of your day in a positive light. It doesn’t have to be a complicated time-consuming ritual; You need a second when you open your eyes in the morning. You can just give yourself a second extra; You deserve that.
To keep it super simple, just think of one thing you’re grateful for—anything. It sounds cliche, but how about that you were able to open your eyes and see? If you can write it down, even better, which is my next tip.
Write it down.
If you can start writing down the things you’re grateful for, try it. Writing things down allows you to keep track, go back and look, and remember all the big and small things you’re grateful for. You can carry a small notebook around, keep one by your bed, or jot things down on your phone – whichever is most accessible to you.
Have fun with it.
Be silly and imaginative about the things you’re grateful for; The little one inside will thank you. Did you get to see a cartoon or read a book that brought you joy when you were a child? This can be a moment of gratitude. Do you do a little happy dance while brushing your teeth because you can move your body? That could be another one. It can be anything.
Be gentle with yourself on difficult days.
Some days are hard, and we barely have enough energy to survive. Some days even the word “gratitude” can be overwhelming, don’t forget to think about things to be grateful for. ok. Allow yourself to feel the feelings you are feeling and try to be gentle with yourself. That is enough, my friends.
The beautiful thing about finding things to be grateful for is that the more you practice, the more it becomes a habit and a game, and the easier it becomes. You may begin to look at situations in your life differently.
If you are going through a difficult situation or season right now, whether you are dealing with abuse, grief, divorce, loss, health issues or just regular life getting you down, I want you to know that I see you and I understand how hard it is. I’ve been there, and I’ll be there again.
If you are able to access gratitude, it can be a helpful tool. If you cannot access it, it’s ok. Please hear me: If you are not grateful or not, there is nothing wrong with you and you are not making a healing mistake.
Here are three things I’m thankful for today.
I am grateful for the ability to write this message to you, my warm blanket and the hummingbirds chirping outside my window. Your turn—if you’re able and it’s accessible to you, please put some things you’re grateful for in the comments below. I want to hear them.
Take good care, you beautiful people.
about Jade Dorrington
Jed Dorrington is a writer living in the land of the Lakewanzen-speaking people, also known as Victoria, British Columbia. He has an insatiable curiosity about the world and always has a book on the go. When she’s not writing, she enjoys being outdoors, traveling to new places, and moving her body in ways that make her happy.
