my dear son,
i amI sit here, watching a fly crawl over a curry, and I think of you. Not that you are coming, or that you were, but that you are currently breathing, somewhere else, perhaps wondering what amounts to it.
You are always looking for the exit. All of us. আমরা বর্তমান মুহূর্তটিকে এমন একটি স্টেশনে একটি খসড়া ওয়েটিং রুমের মতো বিবেচনা করি যেখানে ট্রেন চলাচল বন্ধ হয়ে গেছে।
We speed.
We checked our watches.
There is a special kind of courage in sitting still with a leaky ceiling.
You don’t always know what comes next on your journey.
Sometimes you have to stay where you are and know that it’s okay to be there.
We are obsessed with “next”.
We treat life as a series of obstacles to be cleared until we finally reach the clearing. But clearing is a myth. There is only forest. You spend your days working toward a version of yourself that is smarter, richer, or more stable, and in doing so, you treat the current version of yourself as a shadow or a mistake.
A strange form of cruelty, this endless race. You have your boots on the ground here. The ground is hard and maybe it’s muddy, but it’s the only ground you have. Constantly looking to the past means not really standing anywhere. You feel that knowing the next step gives you control. You don’t. You only gain a more sophisticated form of anxiety. The next step happens whether you choreograph it or not. The sun will set. The tea will get cold. Silence will return.
Why is it so hard for us to stay?
If there is a reason, you have to see. When you stop moving, you notice a crack in the wall. Notice how you see your own hands in the gray light. You notice the emptiness. Most people run because they fear that hollow, but that’s where the truth lies.
If you can sit alone in a room and not feel the need to justify your existence by your “progress”, you have achieved something that most kings never touch.
There is so much beauty in accepting yourself right now. I do not mean the beauty of a postcard or a finished painting. It means the beauty of the stone. It is what it is. Don’t try to be a bird. It does not apologize for its weight.
You spend a lot of time counting your failures. I know this because I am your father and I have the same ledger in my head. You feel like you’re a work in progress, a rough draft that needs heavy editing before showing it to the world. You are wrong.
You are the ultimate version of yourself at this exact second. If you died tonight, this person was you. There is no “reality” waiting for you beneath the surface of your current struggles. This is it.
you struggle Confusion you. The way you shake for words is you.
It’s not a white flag to accept. It is not given up. It is an act of radical honesty.
When you stop trying to create a better version of yourself for a future that hasn’t come, you finally have the energy to actually live. It’s like putting down a heavy suitcase you didn’t realize you were carrying. You might still be standing in the rain, but at least your arms don’t ache.
No matter what direction you are working towards, I hope you will always remember that finding peace in the present moment is just as important as the path forward.
Peace is a misunderstood word. People think it means lack of conflict. It doesn’t. Peace is the chaos, the mess, the unfinished business, and the ability to look ahead and say, “Yes. This is the mess. And I’m in.”
সামনের পথ আলোর কৌশল। It looks smooth from a distance, but when you get there it’s the same stone and the same air. If you don’t find a way to be at peace while climbing, you won’t be at peace when you reach the top. Another place to stand up.
I see people walking in the street. তারা সবসময় সামনের দিকে ঝুঁকে থাকে, তাদের মাথা তাদের পায়ের থেকে তিন ইঞ্চি এগিয়ে থাকে, যেন তারা পরের মিনিটে তাদের শরীরকে টেনে নেওয়ার চেষ্টা করছে।
They are missing the air texture.
They are missing the way the shadows stretch.
They are losing their lives.
Don’t be one of those people who comes to the end only to realize they weren’t actually present at the beginning or middle.
we are here This is the beginning and the end. We breathe in, we breathe out and finally, we stop. In the interim, there is a temptation to turn life into a project. a career. A legacy. a journey
But a journey implies a destination, and we all know where the final destination is. Since we know the end of the drama, why is there such a rush to get down to the final act? The strength of the performance is in the breaks. The way the actor stands in the light and doesn’t say anything.
Be the actor who doesn’t fear silence. Be the kind of person who can stand in the middle of a failed project or a lonely evening and not feel the need to “fix” it by imagining a better tomorrow. Branding yourself tomorrow will be difficult.
What you have today.
I am old now, or at least I feel old in my joints when the weather changes. I have no advice on how to succeed or how to win. All I have to say is: stay where you are. If you hurt, be the one who hurts. If you’re lost, be a lost man. Don’t double your suffering by hating yourself for where you are.
The fly has reached the edge of the pot. has stopped It is not thinking about the next saucer. It’s okay, in light, to exist.
There is a dignity in that.
I hope you find it. I hope you look at your life, with all its loose ends and its quiet frustrations, and realize that enough is enough. Not you next year. You are not promoted or house or with answers. you. now cold light
It’s okay to be there. In fact, it’s the only place you can truly be.
I will stay here, sitting in this chair, until I am. And there you will be, wherever “there” is. Let it be enough for both of us.
father
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This post was Previously published at medium.com.
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Photo credit: Emma Francis in Unsplash
