Read this before saying love
This is what I call love.
Some call it attraction, others?
They call it lust.
But let’s be honest…
There is little difference between love, attraction and lust.
And it should also be said that the reason many people struggle is because they don’t know the difference between them.
Although, almost everyone would disagree on this matter. But it is a reality.
Perhaps because they are usually carried away by the magical spark that we feel after they meet someone that triggers a place in their heart.
There is something magical about the first moment you notice someone. Maybe it’s through a glance across a crowded room, a smile that lingers a little longer or the way the person carries themselves that catches your attention without warning.
That can make your heart race out of control, your mind spin too fast, and suddenly you see something you can’t explain.
Most of the time you call it love, and it’s usually too early to tell yourself it’s destiny or an undeniable connection.
Because of the intensity of the feelings you feel and afterwards, you get confused, or I wonder why it didn’t work out.
This is sadly one of the reasons some people struggle, because they don’t know the difference between lust, attraction and love.
Once they become infatuated with someone, or they develop feelings for a person, they don’t really know how to handle stress or intensity.
lust
Lust is usually triggered by physical desire. It is usually raw, strong and difficult to control.
It’s like you suddenly see someone’s body, shape or some other physical feature and suddenly your heart races, butterflies or you start thinking about touch or intimacy.
Lust does not require knowing anything about the person’s character, values, ambitions or personality.
The goal of lust is usually to feel, touch, taste, or have sex.
It is usually short-lived and disappears as quickly as the physical appeal fades. Think of it as “I want you right now.”
attraction
It is usually widespread, and like lust it can be triggered by physical characteristics.
But it also involves psychological, emotional and mental stress.
It can come from being attracted to someone’s confidence, intelligence, or sense of humor. It’s usually about curiosity and fascination. You can be attracted to the way someone talks, how they usually react or behave, how they carry themselves and everything.
Attraction is usually like a magnet that makes you want to get to know people and spend time with them to get to know them better.
Attraction usually leads to love most of the time, and sometimes to lust or sex or both.
More about it “I like being around you and I’m attracted to you.”
love
This is the chief of them all. It is usually slow and deep.
It usually begins with attraction and progresses over time through shared experiences, trust, vulnerability and care.
It usually looks beyond the surface, errors, mistakes and inconsistencies.
Love is usually patient, steady, resilient, and sticks around once lust is gone.
And attraction is cool. Love is what happens when everything else fades or fades away. Love can include both lust and attraction, but it also comes with commitment, empathy, and understanding.
Compatibility requirements
Although love alone cannot sustain a relationship, that is why compatibility is necessary.
You should make sure that the values of the person you are settling with align with yours.
This is how relationships can become more enjoyable rather than sustainable.
Why do so many people struggle?
Basically the reason so many people struggle in relationships these days is because they rush to define what they feel instead of waiting to be understood.
So, when a strong spark appears and emotions rise, before they know it, they have already called it love.
But in reality, it can be just lust or general attraction which usually should not be given any relevance.
Such confusion leads to wrong expectations, quick decisions and disappointment or heartbreak.
It’s not because they can’t love… they just don’t give themselves enough time to know what they’re really feeling.
Because lust fades.
Transfer of attraction.
But love… true love… reveals itself over time.
And if you’re patient enough to let it unfold, you don’t have to guess. You will know.
Thanks for reading…
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This post was Previously published at medium.com.
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Photo credit: Vinayak Chavan on Splash
