We’ve all been there: You’re dating a great guy who checks all the boxes. He’s thoughtful, sweet, and makes it clear he’s into you. On paper, he seems perfect. But something still feels off. Something is missing. Then there’s that other guy—who barely checks any boxes, yet there’s something about him. that i don’t know what She straightens you up, fixes your hair and checks your makeup when she walks into the room. What’s going on here? It’s a common joke that men like to make about women, but there’s probably more truth to it than we’d like to admit: We don’t seem to know what we really want…
Take my friend, for example, who has been dating a cool guy from her office for a few months. It started with some innocent texts and chats, and then, after an infamous office outing, things took a turn. After a few drinks, and perhaps one too many, he walked her to the train station where they said their goodbyes. As he was about to board his train, she called him.
“How far do you live from the train station?” he asked. Since then, they have been seeing each other happily – albeit still secretly. My anxious-avoidant friend isn’t ready to tell anyone at the office; That should do it all realAnd she’s not sure she’s ready for it. But here’s the thing: He’s a great guy. He loves her, cares for her and makes time for her. And next to that they are going to have a great sex life for them. What more could he ask for? Then again, we wouldn’t be women if we could accept this great gift that lands in our lap and live happily ever after. No, there’s only one thing left to do: overthink.
If you’re anything like me, you probably have a mental checklist of what your ideal partner should be: smart, ambitious, funny, kind, successful, charming—and, let’s be honest, tall. And if you really let your imagination run wild, the list doesn’t just end there. But while you’re building your Mr. Perfect, your chances of success in the dating world are close to zero. this Informal research Based on many years of personal experience. But here’s the million-dollar question: Is finding someone who checks all the boxes the key to love, or is there something else?
Like my friend—whose name, like his relationship, I’ll keep secret—I can’t help but think that there’s only one thing standing between us and our dream relationship: fear. Many of us, myself included, are guilty of this. We shy away from the man who shows true affection and push away the great man who makes his intentions clear. Instead, we long for the fantasy man we’ve created in our minds. Why? Because this ideal version cannot harm us. In the realm of fantasy, we are emotionally safe. We’ve all experienced heartbreak at some point, and those past wounds leave scars that remind us of how vulnerable we are. Because our brains are wired to protect us from pain, we create these checklists as a shield against someone breaking our hearts. This begs the question: Are we really looking for love, or are we just trying to protect our hearts? After all, there is only so much heartache for a girl…
Lilé van der Weijden
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