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“You don’t really get anywhere without taking some risks.” -Jodi Kantor, author How to start
Instructions listing how to assemble purchased new IKEA furniture. The steps in a recipe lead us to a successful bake. Slowly lowering our vehicle to take care of the engine and gears. Following the proper sequence in these situations is valuable to prevent stress, unnecessary repairs and ensure a delicious dessert. But there are instances in life when living out of order with reference to life milestones, life chapters and our lifestyle in general is a very good sign that you are living a fulfilling life.
Much of our life’s journey is about discovering the unknown. We don’t know what the job market will look like in ten years. We cannot predict the economy when we reach the age we may have thought we would retire. We don’t know how culture will change, shift or progress, and we don’t know what we’ll discover if we live a life where we let our curiosity play a co-driver role in our lives.
What we can do is choose to learn skills that will support our ability to make the best decisions to live a life of contentment, and thus have more daily moments that enlighten us sincerely, as well as provide a direction for the life we are building.
The Palais Garnier, aka the Paris Opera House, celebrated its 150th anniversary last year. Commissioned by Emperor Napoleon III in the 1850s, its timeline did not go according to plan and the building was not named until 1875. In fact, what we see today is not despite a war (Franco-Prussian), some water problems and a revolution (Paris Commune). Charles Garnier exemplifies our lesson today – become the architect of your life and the world you need.
Charles Garnier is the architect behind the magnificent building and interior design that tourists and locals and artistic geniuses marvel at today, which sits in the 9th arrondissement of Paris, but at the time of his birth, no one could have predicted such a successful life story. In fact, they probably predicted something other than his greatest achievement, which is the Palais Garnier.
Born into poverty, living in the worst slums of Paris at the time of his birth in 1825, he made his way to study in Italy and France, and when he was selected by the emperor for a commission, he was the first person not born to an aristocracy to receive such an opportunity.
On the way to building the opera house, most architects were prevented from suspending their plans. One such obstacle that boggles the mind to even think about what he has accomplished is the project of removing water from under the structure (600 square yards worth) and “covering it with wooden beams, layers of concrete and tar, then refilling it with water to balance the pressure on the water table.” The now famous lake (described as a huge man-made water tank) that inspired Gaston Leroux to write his classic novel, Phantom of the Operaexists, and it was created by Charles Garnier to create a solid framework for a building that would not have been possible otherwise.
But this was not all Garnier will navigate through, and what will change the fulfilling journey. During the popular uprising known as the Paris Commune, to protect what he had built, he opened the Palais (still under construction) to serve as a hospital, and it worked – the building, and all the works so far completed, remained in tact.
As Garnier points out, the only way to ‘arrive’ to experience fulfillment (in his case, completing the architectural design as he envisioned it) and true satisfaction is to take risks and let go of any timeline or order of events. We can accept what others have done or suggested. After all, awareness is an important skill for living well, including awareness of all the options we are exposed to. But even then, options aren’t exhaustive because tomorrow, next year, and so on is an unchanged world down the road. With each generation, with each administration, with each new technological advance, door opened or closed, new world opens, or realization of what we long for most, if suddenly, the opportunity may soon disappear. We cannot know what these will be because we cannot know the future.
Thinking for oneself often leads a life ‘out of order’
Society often judges our success by the order in which we hit life’s milestones, or whether we ‘hit’ them at all. When we feel these events are ‘out of order,’ Or abandon them all together, we challenge the cultural narrative of what it means to make it. But as we all know, when we plan or direct another person’s life, or in this instance, live by someone else’s life book for our own, it eventually leads to dissatisfaction. Dissatisfaction can come in the form of unhappy relationships, job dissatisfaction, seeking approval (and spending too much money) trying to keep up appearances with others (a version of keeping up with the Joneses, but any aspect that comes from within – our appearance, our clothes, our home, our job, our relationships, travel plans or things in life, will change unnecessarily). Thinking that you would be happy if others in our lives changed in some way. This is why when our lives are ‘out of order’ according to anyone’s rules but our own, it means we are thinking for ourselves.
When we think for ourselves, we are exercising Self-awareness And presenceand late curiosity The fuel we value and continue to replenish by tailoring our daily lives with nutrients uniquely suited to our needs.
Put down the life road map and follow your compass of curiosity
“The truly happy and successful people are practicing a craft. They know how to do things that other people don’t. That’s skill. That’s skill.” -Jodi Kantar, In An interview with Aspen Public Radio
When deciding what to do with our days, what we do will pay the bills, ie The New York Times Investigative reporter Jody Kantor points out in her new book, How to startLook at your options through the lens of building your skill set. The jobs we work on won’t be our passion, but the skills we acquire along the way will forever carry us to our next job or life chapter. It may not even be a job where we learn new skills, but courses, educational degrees, and experiences we choose to fully engage with, even though at the time we don’t know why or how the skills will be used (Garnier’s engineering skills taught him that he couldn’t fight the groundwater table, he had to manage it and instead contain it). So, take that course, travel to that particular destination, volunteer because your curiosity is overwhelming, begging you to explore it. You don’t know when or how, but those skills will be yours to apply forever when they can be more helpful than you ever imagined.
For me, it was learning the French language. Without boring you with the story that I have shared a lot of time on the blog and in my books, while in college, I chose French and then chose to study abroad in France. I wanted to learn the language, see the country and experience the culture. All I know is that I trust my curiosity. Likewise with blogging in 2009, curiosity led the way.
Kantor explains that when we follow our passions to stock a toolbox of skills that play a role in whatever tangentially or directly relates to our passions, we are stronger when the economy takes a downturn, when the unexpected happens. Why? Because we’re doing something we’re genuinely curious about and will continue to hone our craft even if the money isn’t big or temporarily attached to doing it.
Out of order is a phrase that only matters if you care about what others think about your life’s journey. And if you care about what others think about your lifestyle, my next question is, why do you care about people who don’t care if you are at peace and content? The road to what will create contentment for you is not on anyone else’s map, but yours, and each of us is guided only after we have guided ourselves (in other words, there is no map). However, the tools attached to our internal compass are our North Star.
Instead, see the phrase ‘out of order’ as an indication that we are thinking critically: asking questions about ways of life, traditions, social and family expectations, poking behind the scenes and not taking things at face value. What the world needs are people who think for themselves and at the same time think about what is needed to build world peace.
Sometimes, what the world tells us to do, what the world requires, what those who came before us have done is completely out of order. Throughout Kantor’s new book, which is primarily directed at college graduates entering the job market, but speaks to anyone trying to figure out how to find clarity about their life’s work, he underscores two things that are very simply to understand. We have already explored one above – craft.
“If craft is authority, drive is necessary.” —Jodi Kantor
The need he’s talking about is related to the job market, but it can also be related to your entire life. When we tap into our self-awareness, muster our courage, and choose to be honest about our levels of dissatisfaction, we can better assess what we need to heal, what we need to learn, what we need to invest in, what we need (fill in the box) that will strengthen the foundation of a living. satisfaction.
In my own life, once I stopped being bothered by people who refused to see my life choices as my choices because they brought me into life—puppies as my kids instead of traditional kids, disinterested in dating and more curious about the world, and building a real community of friends and acquaintances founded on respect and kindness—my life became both lighter (and filled with a flood of peace) that mattered to me.
If you can also reflect on your lifestyle or observe it in the moment and know that you have stepped ‘out-of-line’ with someone else’s expectations of what a lifestyle should be, and have done so purely to live yourself up, then out of order is a sign to celebrate. You are the architect of your life. You’re living well, you know how Live well, and the journey ahead will continue to be bright because you’ve already proven that you have the skills and understand how to use them to effectively navigate the unknown.
Wishing you a wonderful start to the new week.
~Learn more about TSLL Contentment Masterclass: View detailed syllabus, read student reviews, watch trailers and more.
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