Do they still text back?
You reach for your phone — hope bubbling in your chest. Imagine that split second of joy as you see their name flash on the screen. Again, your connection will be restored.
You turn it over.
nothing
Some empty notifications from other apps. A check in from a friend. A promotional email. But nothing from the person you really want to hear from.
You put it down again.
Your eyes land on your phone three seconds later.
You check it out.
Still nothing.
With a half, you put away again.
Seriously, what’s taking them so long to respond?
Your heart slapped loudly in your chest.
It takes a second to text, why didn’t they say anything?
You check your phone again.
Do they not want to talk to me?
nothing
Hours of silence must mean they don’t care, right? After all, everyone is constantly on their phones. How hard is texting the answer? Or even telling someone that you are busy?
It’s the least they can do for you.
Ping your phone. If you are leaning towards the device, turn it on immediately.
Sorry I didn’t respond, I was busy at work.
oh
They just weren’t near their phones. You’ve been thinking about them for hours, and they were just busy.
But…didn’t they text back a second? What they didn’t have any Time to respond? Of course they have to have some time between work to check their phone.
They must be lying, you reason. They were just avoiding you.
Your anxious thoughts increase tenfold. With no response, now you focus on this text – the first sign of the end of the relationship
ok, pause.
I’m going to tell you something to stop this familiar and endless spiral. This may sound harsh, but it can save you from your own anxious thoughts:
The world doesn’t revolve around you.
You are not the constant center of attention. Their silence is not a reflection of you or your relationship – they simply have other things in their lives to focus on.
Work, hobbies, friends and family take up someone else’s time, attention and energy. It doesn’t mean you’re any less lovable than the last time they responded to you. It just means they are focusing on other aspects of their lives at the moment.
Phones make us believe that we have a constant string connecting us to someone else. A tug, and you’ll get a tug back. But this string embodies a very unstable social norm: every spare second means your relationship with the other is slowly unraveling.
But that is not true.
Their care still linged in silence. Their love is unbreakable in silence.
Sometimes, they are too busy for you. And that’s a good thing. This means that their actions are not intentionally trying to hurt you. They are just taking up the necessary space to complete the rest of themselves.
You are not meant to be the sun in someone’s universe.
You’re meant to be your own world.
So start circling your own sun and let them enter your universe in their own time.
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This post was Previously published at medium.com.
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Photo credit: Emilio Garcia at Unsplash
