Learning to fully live life with mental illness

There is a famous Latin phrase that I absolutely love: carpe diem. It means “seize the day.” Younger people may be more familiar with the phrase “you only live once” or YOLO. Both phrases encourage people to live their lives to the fullest.

I have struggled with depression and anxiety since my childhood, these phrases make it difficult to live and enjoy life. I have missed many precious moments with loved ones.

Recently, however, my mental health has been taking a turn for the better, and I’m doing my best to make up for all the quality time I’ve missed.

I am a practicing Christian, and my church recently had a gathering or social event. Usually at social events, I’m a wallflower. I don’t participate much, prefer to watch and laugh from the sidelines. At this particular gathering, I was often front and center, dancing a lot.

A fellow church member even told me he didn’t know I danced like that. Anyway, I can’t dance, but I guess he’s saying that he couldn’t imagine me dancing so freely. It felt really good to let loose and enjoy myself with my fellow church members.

I had family members with me at the gathering, and I wouldn’t have attended if they hadn’t. I rarely make decisions without my family’s input because my anxiety gets in the way, and I have a hard time trusting my own decisions. My confidence could obviously use more work, but right now, I’m glad I had a good time at the rally. Not that I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone lately though.

I am more involved in my church and speaking at Bible study meetings. I usually don’t share my thoughts in group settings because I don’t usually like when the attention is on me. However, I became more comfortable with the focus.

Every week, my church holds a prayer meeting, and one of my church members recently asked me to lead a prayer meeting on Zoom. I was nervous about taking the job, but I decided to take it.

After the meeting, everyone told me I did a great job. Some even told a member of my family how well the meeting went.

During the meeting, I gave a short presentation on the history of Mother’s Day, and a member who saw the presentation was able to recall the details and share it with another member who was not present. This made me so happy because it meant he was actually listening and paying attention. It means he enjoyed the meeting.

These two recent events, social gatherings and prayer meetings, remind me of how far I have come in my journey to deal with depression and anxiety.

My family also noticed the change. I mentioned earlier that I missed the bonding moments.

During a recent conversation with a family member, we had a discussion about going to see “Superman: Man of Steel” in the theater a while back. I mentioned that I hadn’t gone that day, and my family member replied that she remembered my “moments” during that time.

It’s true that I was dealing with many depressive episodes at the time, and I isolated myself a lot. Isolation only made my depression worse and my relationship with my family members also worsened.

They didn’t understand why I wasn’t attending group activities. I got irritated very easily, my family members felt they had to be extra careful with me. They believed they were walking on eggshells when they contacted me.

Part of me believed that what I was going through was normal. Another part of me knew something was off, but I didn’t want to admit that I was dealing with depression. I don’t want to deal with the stigma.

Over time, though, I began to tire of dealing with my depression. I wanted to be happy. I wanted a healthy relationship with my loved ones. Building a relationship with my therapist started a healthy relationship with my family.

For a long time, I didn’t want to talk about my depression with anyone because I was ashamed. However, my therapist helped me feel comfortable discussing my mental illness. Once I felt more comfortable, I started talking to my family about my mental health.

Being open with my family has helped them understand me and created a stronger bond between us. My family may not be able to fully understand me and my decisions, but they try. This is important because it helps me understand.

My family was not interested in understanding and trusting me they thought I was weird I was gone for a long time. My guess was wrong. My family members not only want to understand me, they also accept me completely.

I made the same assumptions about friends and my church family, so I avoided church involvement. I mostly go straight home after service, avoiding fellowship and socializing. Just as I was wrong about my family, I was wrong about my fellow church members. Ever since I started participating more in church, I’ve had nothing but support and praise.

The love and encouragement I received helped reshape my thinking. Not everyone is judging me, and there are people who are happy to have me in their lives. It helps me feel more relaxed.

I may run into people who will be mean and judge me, but I’m surrounded by more people who don’t support me. I’m learning that my worth has nothing to do with what others think of me.

If you’re like me and you deal with depression and anxiety, know that you’re not alone. Not only are there many people living with mental illness like you, but you are surrounded by people who love you. And there’s a good chance these people will be willing to help you if you let them in.

It is not easy to open up and give your trust to others. However, when love and happiness pour into your heart, you’ll be glad you took the risk and opened the door. Don’t let mental illness isolate you and stop you from enjoying life. Carpe die, my friend. Give it to the carp.