“Waiting is not just empty hope, it has an inner certainty of reaching the goal.” ~I Ching
Waiting has a bad rap in modern western society. It is not surprising that I had to look at an ancient Chinese text (Di I Ching) to find an appropriate quote to begin this article. We don’t like to wait! It’s easy to find quotes about “seizing the day” on the Internet ready something happens
I have been an impatient person for most of my life. I wanted something to happen to me! In my twenties I had a specific agenda: finish college, start my career, get married and have a family. So I declared a major and started knocking myself out aim. When it was “time” to get married, I chose the most suitable person and went ahead with it.
I really didn’t know much about waiting. I thought it was something you did if you didn’t have courage or conviction. It was an excuse not to take action. I know better now.
What I’ve learned since then is that waiting is one of the most powerful tools we have to create the life we want.
The ego or mind is very uncomfortable waiting. It’s the part of you that pretty much screams, “Do something! Better than nothing!” And, because we’re a very ego-driven society, you get a lot of external voices that back up that message.
The mind hates uncertainty, and it would rather err than simply “not know” when uncovering the right path.
There’s a word I like that describes this place of uncertainty: liminal. A finite space is the boundary or threshold between possibilities. This is a place of pure possibility: we can go in any direction from here. No bright lights and obvious signs saying “walk this way”.
Liminal spaces can be deeply uncomfortable, and most of us tend to move through them as quickly as possible.
If we slow down instead, the landscape gradually becomes clearer, as your eyes adjust to a dark room. We start using all our senses. The ego wants a brightly lit superhighway to the future, but real life is like a maze. We take a step or two in a certain direction and then face another turning point. We need a completely different skill set to move forward and waiting is paramount.
There is a right time for all things, and it’s often not the time we want (right now—or even yesterday). There are things that happen on a subconscious level, between us and others, that prepare us for the next step. Oddly, when the time comes to act, there is often a sense of inevitability about it, as if it was always meant to be this way.
Look back on your life and you will see this pattern. First, look at the decisions you’ve made. How did they turn out? Then look for times when you just “know” what to do, without even thinking about it. What happened then?
The second type of decision is key wait For a deeper sense of inner wisdom.
That doesn’t mean you’re sure everything will turn out exactly the way you want it to. Or you won’t feel fear. But your body has a sense of “yes, now is the time” that I liken to the urge migratory birds get when they leave town. They don’t debate whether to go, consulting maps and calendars. They just go to When the time is right.
We are animals too – we have and can develop that inner sensitivity that allows us to simply know what to do when the time is right. But to do that we have to get it out of our minds. Thinking is useful up to a point, but we usually take it beyond the point of usefulness.
Based only on our hopes and fears we go through different options trying to predict the future.
We talk endlessly with others about what we should do, hoping they have the answer for us (and, ideally, trying to get everyone to agree).
We think about what we ought to do based on any number of external measures: common sense, morality, religion, family values, money, etc.
And then usually we add all this and just take our best shot.
A better way is to take stock of what you know (and more importantly, what you are no know) and then… wait.
If there’s a task that calls to you, even if it seems seemingly unrelated to the question at hand, do it! Then wait again to move. Wait actively, not passively. This means keeping your inner senses in tune with urges or intuitions. Hope the answer will come. as I Ching Wait with “inner certainty of reaching the goal,” says.
This is not the same kind of confusion and delay that we come across want To try something new but afraid to step out into the unknown. If your intuition is pulling you in a certain direction and your mind is screaming at you to stop, by all means ignore your mind.
There is a subtle but very real difference between feelings of fear (which prevent you from doing something you want to do) and misconceptions (which warn you that a decision that looks good on the surface is not the right one for you).
In either case, find and trust that deep sense of inner knowing, even if your thoughts are telling you otherwise. A friend once told me that her father’s best advice was, “Deciding to get married should be the easiest decision of your life.” How did I know when I made my own (very hesitant) decision!
My head was telling me that it was the smart thing to do and that he was a good person. My gut, however, was far from on board. I still vividly remember the many internal debates I had about whether I should marry him and even the dreams I had that expressed my inner reluctance. Unfortunately, I went with my thoughts on my instincts.
Now I know this: if you have to tell yourself something, try to wait instead. More time will be given.
Ignore that voice in your head that says you have to make a decision now Don’t rush through life. Dwell in liminal spaces and see what becomes clear as you sit with uncertainty. Learn to trust your gut more than your head. Have faith that the right path will manifest at the right time. And then, when the time comes, do exactly that, as easily and naturally as birds fly.
