People tell me all the time,
“But I still orgasm.”
i know
You can numb the orgasm.
You can climax after three glasses of wine.
You can climax high in weed.
You can climax after a line.
The body is capable of mechanical release under many conditions.
Awakening is not the same thing.
I have taught Tantric Sadhana for over a decade. True tantric practice. Instagram is not coats and silk dresses. I taught breath work. Circulation of energy. Pelvic floor awareness. Eyes wide open. The art of being present is when sensations grow rather than chase them.
I spoke at the retreat. I led the workshop. I sat in circles with men and women who were desperate to access the elusive tantric orgasm. The whole body is one. Waves that travel through the spinal cord. Instead of just the genitals, the entire nervous system feels lit up.
And here’s what I keep running.
Weed.
so much weed
Modern spiritual sexuality has convinced itself that marijuana is a kind of sacred enhancer. It makes you more intuitive. More open. Connect more senses.
I can’t tell you how many times someone has told me,
“But it helps me relax.”
Of course it does.
So is sedation.
Tantra is not only about relaxation.
It’s about awareness.
Osho often spoke of full presence in creating love. When you’re fully present, sex becomes meditation, he says. Meditation requires clarity. Not the fog.
David Deida writes about sexual energy as a current that runs through the body when you are open and vulnerable. That current cannot move clearly through a numb nervous system.
Margot Anand teaches that tantric orgasm is not about friction. It is about channeling life force energy through breath, sound, movement and deep attunement.
Notice the common thread.
presence
breath
Conscious awareness.
Not addiction.
Yes, weed can increase the sensation initially. It can widen the sense of touch. Colors are bright. Music is deeper.
But heightened senses are not the same as expanded powers.
There is a difference between amplification and integration. When you are high, you may feel a rush. A floating quality. A sense of relaxation.
But you are not fully inhabiting your body.
You are changing your perception of it.
Tantric orgasm is not about escaping your body.
It is about entering so completely that the sensation becomes a prayer.
This requires moderation.
Over the years I have seen couples chase intensity. They wanted fireworks. They wanted to blow their minds. They wanted something cinematic.
But Tantra is slow.
Inhale it for several minutes.
Eye contact that feels uncomfortable at first.
When your instinct tells you to pull away.
Weeds disrupt that discipline.
Alcohol disrupts that discipline.
They are uncomfortable with shortcuts. And discomfort is often the door.
Our modern free love culture mixes substance and sex and calls it liberation.
It is not liberation.
It is avoided in bohemian clothing.
Freedom is not doing what feels good in the moment.
Freedom is the ability to feel deeply without the need to change yourself.
The body under the influence can still orgasm. But contains orgasm. localization. Often focused on the genitals.
When calm presence is cultivated, orgasm becomes systemic. Spinal cord pulse. The chest opens. Breathing deepens instead of becoming shallow. The body does not rush towards climax. It spans between
There are chemical and spiritual bonds that occur in cool sex.
Oxytocin release is stronger when the nervous system feels safe and calm. Alcohol disrupts oxytocin signaling. Chronic marijuana use can blunt emotional control and dim motivational circuits.
You can feel connected in the moment.
But depth integration is required after the moment is over.
Tantra teaches the flow of energy. Breathe up the spine. Awareness in the heart. slack jaw. Relaxed pelvic floor. Micro movements rather than thrusting intensity.
You cannot perform what you cannot clearly feel.
And sedation dulls clarity.
I remember teaching a workshop where a couple insisted they had achieved a sexual high. I invite them to practice a quiet eye gaze for five minutes before touching anything. They lasted thirty seconds before laughing nervously.
That smile was not happy. It was exposure.
Addiction protects you from that exposure.
Tantric work invites.
In quiet sex, you begin to notice subtleties.
Momentarily the excitement changes from excitement to fear.
Changes in your partner’s breathing pattern.
Micro tightening in your hips.
You adjust in real time.
Higher sex often overrides this signal. You push through instead of listening. You chase climax instead of driving energy.
Tantric orgasm is elusive not because it is transcendental, but because sensation without it requires tolerance.
It requires a regulated nervous system.
It needs to stay as the wave rises instead of clenching at the end.
Our culture teaches us to finish.
Tantra teaches expansion.
Free love culture asks you to explore endlessly.
Tantra asks you to deliberately deepen.
There is nothing wrong with joy.
There is nothing wrong with exploring.
But if you need weed for open access, it’s information.
If you need alcohol to relax into surrender, this is information.
Information about security.
Information about power.
Information about where your nervous system feels protected.
Casual sex is definitely not pure.
It is strong.
It is disciplined.
It is alive.
When you are calm and present, your body becomes more sensitive over time, not less. Sensations are sharp. The sensitivity is strong. Orgasms are deeper because you’re not numbing the pathways that carry them.
You build stamina in your nervous system.
You build intimacy tolerance.
You develop real erotic intelligence.
The beauty of tantric orgasms is not fireworks. Bond it.
It was the afterglow that lingered because nothing was bypassed.
It’s the feeling of meeting other people without armor.
Addiction can make you feel cosmic.
Presence connects you.
They are not the same thing.
The last days of the Kindle Countdown are here. Pricing will be complete on the 29th. Grab your Kindle copy for 99 cents. I think your happiness, your sex, your love life is worth a dollar, right?
If you’re tired of chasing intensity and ready to get deep, Sober Sex on Amazon is waiting for you.
The high may seem holy.
But quiet is where true awakening resides.
Always loving and praying for you and our world,
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This post was Previously published at medium.com.
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Photo credit: Rene’ Schooler(author)
