What I learned from dating people who were wrong for me…


communication

I’ve been saying this for years but when it comes down to execution – communication is vital. In the past, I’ve dated people who didn’t want to talk. When I say talk I mean, discuss what’s bothering them, thoughts and feelings. I’ve learned that it’s a no go for me to date someone who will stonewall me for weeks and not communicate. I urge everyone to get to the root of your non-communication issues if you have them. It’s never too late to meet your partner in the middle of the road. Healthy communication involves a dance—a back-and-forth exchange of information. Sharing of ideas, thoughts, feelings. After being gaslit and stoned for weeks at a time I will never settle for sh*t contact again. You are worth more than settling for that kind of behavior. Be a good person. Rise up and know your worth. You deserve to be known with all your faults. You deserve to be loved with all your weaknesses.

connection

It is essential to share it with your chosen partner. Connecting to the edge of technology can be both easy and troublesome. What you’re looking for are people who share your vibe, people who can resonate, people who you can be your true self around. Finding people who completely “get” you and accept you as you are without judgment is invaluable to feeling connected. Before now, I’d been with partners who shared my geek interests but didn’t really bother with me. I wanted that connection where we would express our silliness together. Geek references and all. Being able to put your true self out there, vulnerabilities and otherwise, is so liberating. It’s worth the time to invest in getting to know someone. Of course, the connection isn’t limited to being neutral, it’s more about the ability to showcase your personality. Being with someone who accepts your quirks and likes you.

cooperation

I was with people who were not on the same level as me despite the ability to connect, love and work together towards a common goal. With that being said, it taught me that I wanted someone very much, to reward my efforts and show up for me as I was showing up for them. If someone cares, why not say ad*m? I have always wanted to be with someone to accomplish great things no matter how big the task. The person you are with should be able to cooperate. The person you choose should help you achieve your goals in some way. That extra support, validation and companionship goes a long way. My biggest joy in my relationship right now is that I can come home every day to people who think I’m pretty awesome. Above all, don’t settle. no matter what

This post was republished on Medium.

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