dear you
Let me ask something.
Who said it’s too late?
What was it friend? your parents? Heard something at work?
Or maybe even worse…maybe they also said:
“You should have done it earlier.”
“You’re going to be very old.”
“How old will you be when your child graduates?”
All those comments that seem logical on the surface…
But somehow your chest feels heavy.
And perhaps you have been carrying that weight.
Maybe you have been questioning your timeline.
Your choice.
Your life.
Maybe you’re blaming yourself first for building wealth or creating financial freedom.
I am not writing this as a father, but as one who sees how many sons seem to have missed their chance…
So let me say this out loud.
There is no perfect time to be a parent.
Not in your 20s.
Not in your 30’s.
Not in your forties.
Not in your 50s.
This idea, you have to be a parent in your 20s or 30s or you’re screwed, is not true.
This is something we have heard somewhere and keep repeating. This is what society tells you how to live your life.
Because no one talks here, what really happens. And my guess is that it took you decades to become who you are now.
I would rather have a parent who is in their late 30s or 40s,
Who did the inside work,
who went to therapy,
Those who understand their emotions,
Who likes to be a present father,
Those who create a safe space instead of repeating old patterns,
Rather than a parent in their 20s or 30s who is still trying to figure out life while shouldering the burden of raising another human being.
And I want to be very clear:
This is not about shaming someone who has become a father before.
Becoming a parent in your 20s or 30s?
That is also difficult.
Building a life, building a career, nurturing your marriage while raising a child at the same time?
That takes energy. It takes courage.
It’s not about good or bad.
It’s about different paths.
And if you’re here, reading this in your 30s, 40s… or even 50s, thinking maybe you waited too long,
I want you to pause and ask yourself:
So what happens?
What if you had to go through all this to get there if you feel ready to be a parent right now?
Preparing to be the parent you want to be.
Because it is bigger than having children.
Some of this is about to end.
An end to generational trauma.
Breaking the patterns you were given instead of being your parents again.
Let go of the belief that because you’re a certain age, you should be less settled in most areas of your life.
And so I challenge you to listen to no more noise.
And if a part of you thinks, “But isn’t it harder when you get older?” You are not wrong.
Of course with age comes challenges.
But anyone who has spent years focusing on their career, their business, and their personal growth understands something important:
When you decide it’s time for a family, you also understand it’s time to make a change.
Take care of your health.
Get in shape.
To create a body and a lifestyle that supports this next phase.
And if you ask me, every parent, at any age, should do it.
With that being said, and understanding there is value in being an older parent, the bottom line is:
do
Please follow your heart.
Listen to that inner voice telling you to create this new, exciting chapter in your life.
Life is too short for us not to go after what we want because “common sense” says it’s too late.
And whatever your path to parenting looks like, it’s valid.
Be it IVF. Whether it is adopted. Be it pregnancy.
Whether you become a stepfather.
Whether your journey looks different than you imagined.
There is no right way to build a family.
There is no perfect time to start a family.
It’s just you, a beautiful imperfect human being, living this wild experience in the world, trying to figure out this game called life that nobody has a blueprint for, no matter what decade you’re in.
So again, you haven’t missed the train.
You are not behind.
You are at the right time.
One day, you will look back on this moment.
And either you’ll be glad you believed in yourself…or you wish you had.
So if that voice is still there, that says, “I want this”…
listen to it
Because that voice doesn’t appear by accident.
You have not missed your chance.
This could be it.
with love,
a friend
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