Yes, codependency is toxic, here’s why
Sorry, I don’t mean to be dramatic but while we often think codependency isn’t a big deal, being close to someone and being completely absorbed by someone are two different things and a caring relationship can turn into something very dysfunctional over time. Often we don’t even know we’re codependent so let’s back up and start with the basics.
When code dependency is a form of dysfunction
Codependency in its most severe form is a form of relationship dysfunction. In short, when you love someone so much you will do anything to make them happy or fix them. It takes two to tango in this dangerous dance where one person (a giver) desperately tries to satisfy the other person’s (a taker) every unreasonable need. The receiver manipulates every situation to gain and maintain control and depends on the giver to meet every emotional and self-esteem need. But wait, it’s not that simple.
The codependent giver can also be a perfectionist, a person who needs to be in control. A codependent can be a manipulator, and there’s more to it than just emotions. The recipient may use the donor to meet many other needs, such as household chores, financial burdens, legal problems, indeed, whatever problems arise. No one is healthy in such a relationship. It is not that a man is a bad man and a good man; Both partners have problems.
Where do code dependencies originate from?
The term codependency has been around for a long time. It has been used to describe relationships in families with substance or alcohol use disorders (addiction). Addiction is a family disease, and codependency enables irresponsible, unhealthy, and dangerous behavior. But codependent relationships are also invitations to predators, such as narcissists. Mental abuser And those who thrive on passive aggression. This can happen with family members, lovers, spouses and children. We don’t just think of codependency in terms of addiction. There is plenty of dysfunction in other types of personality, or character, disorders beyond the addictive dynamic.
You are in a codependent relationship
Do you spend all your energy meeting your partner’s needs? Are you stuck in your relationship? Are you that person who is constantly making sacrifices in your relationship? Do you feel upset when your loved one suffers? Do everything in your power to fix it, make him happy. Does he treat you badly and blame you for problems? Do you think about this person every minute of every day?
Who has a dependency problem
Different types of people behave codependently and codependency manifests itself in varying degrees of intensity. Not all codependents are unhappy, others live in pain or quiet depression. You get your codependency from family roles, from family expectations, and often from family trauma or emotional abuse. It’s not something you decide to stop or can easily heal because codependency is part of you. It’s the air you breathe, but you can Learn to change your feelings and create the boundaries you need to be independent and emotionally free.
How to get help
You can get help from professionals, such as social workers and therapists. Learning about codependency will help you understand. Attending a 12-step meeting for codependents, such as Codependent Anonymous, called CoDA, or Al-Anon Show alcoholic family members that you are not alone. There are other 12-step groups for relatives of other addicts, such as relatives of gamblers, drug addicts, and sex addicts. ROR resources
What are the common characteristics of co-dependents?
You’ll recognize some of these features, but probably not most of them. People who are independent don’t worry about their loved ones every second of every day. They feel free to talk about their feelings, desires and ambitions without fear. If there is a problem, independent people can relinquish responsibility and allow their loved ones to sort things out on their own. They have boundaries and don’t jump in to defend themselves.
Codependency is the destroyer of boundaries, freedom. If you suffer from codependency, you will have some of the symptoms listed below.
- low self-esteem
- Not liking or accepting yourself
- Feeling inadequate in some way
- Thinking you’re not enough
- Worry you may or may not fail
- Worry about what other people think of you
- perfectionism
- Pleasing others and sacrificing self
- Poor border
- Boundaries that are too weak and there is not enough separation between you and your partner
- Boundaries that are too strict and prevent you from being intimate
- Boundaries that flip back and forth between too close and too rigid
- Responsiveness
- ineffective communication
- Difficulty expressing thoughts and feelings
- Difficulty setting boundaries — saying “no” or stopping abuse
- abuse
- Lack of assertiveness about your needs
- dependency
- Fear of being alone or out of a relationship
- Feeling trapped in a bad relationship and unable to leave
- Relying too much on the opinions of others
- Intimacy issues
- Avoid intimacy
- lose yourself
- Attempting to control or manipulate others
- Feeling trapped in a dysfunctional relationship
- denial
- Denial of co-dependence
- Be in denial about a painful reality in your relationship
- Deny your feelings
- Deny your needs
- take care
- control
- Control your emotions
- managing and controlling the people in your life; Tell them what to do
- Manipulating others to feel or behave the way you do (manipulation is a people pleaser)
- obsession
- Addiction to a substance or process
- Painful emotion
- shame
- worry
- fear
- guilt
- hopelessness
- disappointment
- depression
It is quite a collection of symptoms. Not all people with painful emotions or obsessions are codependent. This is just a list to think about. If you have any of these symptoms and they don’t go away on their own, don’t beat yourself up. You are not alone, and you can get better.
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Previously published Reach Out Recovery
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