Do you sometimes feel like there’s something wrong with you… that you’re somehow “bad” and don’t deserve what other people get? If so…
It’s a shame.
I remember how confident and bold I was in elementary school. I loved learning new facts, figures, names and places. I was outspoken. I thought that if someone was wrong about a fact, they would want to know it, right?
no colonel. My sixth grade teacher. retired army And he didn’t like me attitude You had to defer to his authority to be a “good boy”… and you certainly didn’t challenge his claims. So when I spoke without permission… from the back of the class where I had already been expelled for insubordination… that he misspelled Euphrates… he shamed me.
And it was a shame. Sent to Principal’s office. Mother contacted. Kids laughing at me, or huddling under their desks to make sure they’re not embarrassed to support me… I get the message. I was now a stupid bad boy who should have known better.
Can you feel how confused I was? I thought school was a place of learning! When *I* misspell a word, I get a red circle around it. When he misspelled civilization’s most important river, *I* got punished. I was crazy! I was scared. I felt all mixed up…and ashamed of not knowing what was right.
Has something like this happened to you?
The whole situation affected me deeply. Although my mother and principal eventually tried to stop me from overreacting out of shame, it was a trauma for me that turned me from liking my teacher to not trusting him at all. My brain also created other associations, which influenced me for many years: Don’t trust military people or people in positions of power. Don’t correct others even if they teach something wrong. Hide your wits.
It’s a shame that SHAME affects us so deeply… yet is used so carelessly.
Shame sticks with us in some ways more than actual physical abuse. If I poke Jenny in the eye and steal her candy, and I get whipped for it, well… there’s at least a connection between being a hurtful little thief and it being a punishable crime. There are other ways to teach that lesson than whipping, but I’ve never had to tap someone for a “fair” punishment that was associated with an offense against an understandable rule.
Shame, on the other hand, wants to trigger us A desperate need to get back into good gracesWill be accepted back into the tribe. We are ostracized, criticized and told that we are bad. That we no longer deserve food, comfort or acceptance. It’s triggering so much internal panic and panic that nothing else is important enough to do whatever it takes From bad to good again.
This tension is at the root of most chronic anxiety. This dynamic creates such imbalances in us that it shows up as disease decades later. It is inherent in distrust in others… and in ourselves. It spills over into other aspects of our identity… we are even ashamed to be smart, beautiful, confident, ambitious, competent. Dreamers stop dreaming and hugs stop touching.
Ouch.
Alas, it gets worse. When someone feels shame, they push more of it onto themselves. This is the sickest part of the Law of Attraction. A person who walks in “shame” is assumed by our primitive tribal brain to be someone unacceptable! And treated in this way unacceptable… over and over and over again.
It really is a shame.
Is there a way to transfer this? yes Changing our emotions from a vibration of shame to a vibration of acceptance. Shame keeps us stuck – in old patterns, old beliefs, old hurts. Acceptance frees our energy to move forward, to grow, to express ourselves.
The feeling of acceptance comes in two parts. If you don’t have both parts, you won’t feel deeply and completely well.
The first part is Self-acceptanceWhere you connect with your past, your traumas, the rejections you gave you and the ones you put on yourself… and come to a place of peace and self-compassion and forgiveness.
The second part is… group acceptance. And this is truly thornier. Shame tries to force us to revise who we are in order to be accepted again. Yet, a part of us knows when we’re faking it or transforming ourselves just to fit in. I want to be independent myself, and that means I need to be selective and aware of who I’m trying to “fit in” with.
Actually, my group model isn’t really about “fitting in.” It’s about celebrating with others who offer safety and respect, encouragement and support… who love and accept artists, singers, writers, inventors and dancers even if the “style” isn’t ours. (I may not like your painting… I love and appreciate that you painted it!)
It’s about creating space for everyone to experience the joy of self-expression. We open the “tribe” to all who are expressing themselves in authentic ways, not just those whose particular work we judge to be personally pleasing.
Does that make sense? It’s about shifting from judgment as a way to control each other to acceptance as a way to free us all.
Is it something that speaks to your heart? If so, email me support@thrivingnow.com And let’s do something EFT Tapping together (see https://www.thrivingnow.com/tapping for our free guide.)
Hand Direction: Even though I feel so ashamed, I accept myself deeply and completely.
Although I feel shame, it’s a shame… and I’m ready to accept myself anyway.
Although I was shown that I was bad, unworthy and unacceptable, I am now on a journey to deeply and completely love and accept myself.
Above the head: Yes, I feel shame.
Eyebrows: And that’s a shame.
Eye direction: It stops me…
Under the eyes: From being the real me.
Under the nose: It stops me…
Chin: From feeling truly free.
Collarbone: It makes me anxious…
Underarm: And stole my sanity.
Above the head: Now, I’m changing something.
Eyebrows: What if I had never been a bad kid? I was just treated shamefully.
Eye direction: What if I am accepted now?
Under the eyes: It is shameful to use shame.
Under the nose: I’m tired of feeling so embarrassed.
Chin: I’m done with shame as a weapon.
Collarbone: I am free of shame now.
Underarm: I’m starting to feel more accepting.
Above the head: They don’t understand me.
Eyebrows: And there is no shame in that.
Eye direction: They don’t accept me.
Under the eyes: And there is no shame in that!
Under the nose: I decided to understand me.
Chin: I choose to love and forgive myself.
Collarbone: I let go of the pressure to please them.
Underarm: I embrace myself…
Above the head: I opened myself up to admit that I am an acceptably good and forgiving person.
Take a deep breath.
Clearing shame is central to my heart’s mission. It is a true joy to celebrate as it is Members of our circle Laugh and play, dance and sing, write and draw, build businesses and co-create the amazing love free of shame that kept them locked in boxes for so long. If this is an area you would also like relief from, please email Cathy and me support@thrivingnow.com. We have proven ideas that can help.
With love and acceptance,
Rick
Consider PS and explore more the courage You have shown in your life…
