“Why Men Marry Bitches” A must read. At least, that’s what a friend of mine said. Since I only started reading books based on recommendations: let’s go.
read onmeans
I didn’t know how much it would upset me.
It’s a man’s world
According to author Sherry Argov, dating women should have one goal: to make a man feel comfortable and trick him into committing.
His main thesis is that too much emotion (from women) creates men (All men) fear.
People are overwhelmed. People are gone.
So it is better to act emotionally shallow. Don’t make him feel afraid to express himself. Don’t overshare, even when you feel like it.
or if you is Emotionally shallow, congratulations! all Men will appreciate that.
Yes, that’s the word of advice in the book. Sherry Argov offers an oversimplified view of sex, dating, and the world.
Loading rage bait…
The paragraph I wanted to scream at
“After all, women aren’t as physically strong. We can’t live in heavy boxes like them, we can’t open a jar – and sometimes, we don’t have the physical strength to be a pin cushion after a long hard day of chasing after kids or meeting work deadlines.”
Yes, these are the words of the author—the words of a woman.
And this is all you need to know about his views on women. We are the weaker sex. So we have to follow the male rules of the (dating) game.
That being said, I’ve lifted a lot of heavy boxes, opened jars, built shelves and repaired bikes. I ran a marathon. There are many women like me. I hope none of us believe the BS‘characteristics’ Arghav imposes on us.
And the anger continues…
Masculine vs. Feminine Power (or sexuality disguised as pseudo-science)
Argov argues that in dating, women should be in their ‘feminine’ power. To this, he added:
- sweet
- soft
Not earning more than him (or at least not letting him know). - Doing everything to make him feel strong and masculine
As if all women have to do in dating is make men feel superior.
I mean, what kind of men are we talking about here? Those with a fragile ego and those who need a lot of vulnerability to perform feel masculine?
He never asks if this is actually a kind of man woman want from the date.
Or whether women have any values. Or can men also have a very non-primitive, reflective, emotional side!?
… as if all men were the same
I know not all men ‘prey’ on women.
I know men who get into a relationship with a woman because she probably won’t reject them – instead they really fall for a woman. Why? To avoid deep fear of rejection and being alone.
I also know that very decent men are willing to talk openly about motives, emotions and vulnerabilities.
But most of all, I know people are a mixed bag. ‘Men’ and ‘women’ are not two groups.
Yes I found some value in the book too!
I’m enough of a critical thinker to agree with 90% of the book’s ideas.
Hopefully most readers will evaluate those simple, oversimplified statements for themselves — rather than directly proclaiming reality.
However!
There is one key message for women that I strongly agree with: don’t sacrifice your own life, interests and values for a man’s approval.
Yes, we were dependent on being ‘adopted’ by a person 50 years ago – because we were financially dependent and had less rights.
Today, it’s a different story. At least in the western world. So Argov is encouraging women to live up to it and set their own standards:
Instead of showing an anxious attachment behavior and overmatching someone, women should not over-pursue; And not very accessible themselves.
Ironically, he names women who do such ‘duos’… doesn’t do him any favors I guess, but Rag-Betty books sell better.
Final Conclusion: An Inherent Conflict
After reading Egrove, I am confused and angry.
I’m sure her intention is to give women more power in dating and encourage them to live their own lives. cool
Good intentions often lead to bad advice. So the contrast is on one (mostly current) At the end, the book recommends performative coolness, incoherence and freedom — on the other hand, it says:
Better to be true to yourself.
I like that other edge.
And it’s best not to trust a friend who recommends reading that book.
