“What if I admit that I really want a short, slow, simple life? A nice, quiet, gentle life. I think that’s enough.” ~ Krista O’Reilly-Davy-DeGuy
Why do we think so? stress Dream big? I think it starts in childhood when parents, teachers and other adults start asking the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?”
One of the many problems with this question is its premise. In the classroom, at church, at youth camp, and at home, you are not alone, and you are able to hear, understand, and internalize how others might answer these questions. If you pay close attention, you will notice a change in response from one age to the next.
For young children, the answer is very simple and has to do with their immediate environment. A little girl might reply that she wants to be a mother when she grows up. A little boy might answer that he wants to be a police officer. A pre-teen girl might say she wants to be a teacher, while a pre-teen boy might say he wants to be a detective. A teenage girl might grow up to be a singer, or a teenage boy might want to be a football player.
By the time most of these children reach adulthood, the answers will not be as varied and lighthearted as they used to be. The answer will begin to have a certain pattern. The most common answers would be doctors, lawyers, investment bankers, pilots, engineers, etc.
There are of course many reasons for this, but the one I want to highlight is financial freedom and all that comes with it.
At some point in our lives, we become aware of the power of money and our dreams, aspirations, desires and lifestyles begin to be built around it.
Where I come from, it’s not uncommon for teachers to advise students not to become teachers but to try to become doctors or pilots because these professions usually make more money. Everything else is less important.
There is a strange story we tell ourselves that as long as we have money, everything else will fall into place. If you’re already in your adulthood, you’ve probably made the unpleasant discovery of how untrue this story is. But that doesn’t mean you’ve changed your goals.
Whether you are a doctor, a teacher, a creative, a small business owner, or something else, our dreams and aspirations generally take the same shape.
Our dream is not just a comfortable rooftop to call home but also an enviable location, income-producing properties and vacation homes.
Our desire is no longer to own a car for convenience but to own two or more cars, preferably expensive and handsome.
Our goal is no longer just to be healthy, but to have a fully functioning body in terms of strength, balance, flexibility and proportion; It is now defined, toned, provocative and essentially a work of art to be seen, appreciated and discussed.
Even a simple walk is no longer just a walk. You need to count your steps, calculate calories burned and share your results
Financial independence is no longer about meeting daily needs or putting some away for rainy days or emergencies, but it is now a full-time job on top of your full-time job and side hustle.
With the advent of happiness gurus, vision boards, affirmations and feel-good cultures, our dreams and aspirations are becoming unbearable. Now there is a formula for dreaming and desiring and an expected, standard outcome to match.
I always find it interesting how almost all vision boards around the world look the same. This is even more intriguing when you account for the fact that we all grew up in different homes and with different cultural and religious backgrounds, we look different physically, and our educational backgrounds are diverse. Yet our desires, dreams, visions and aspirations seem to have become one.
The most common are all on the vision board material wealth. Unique homes, expensive cars and enviable vacation destinations. And despite our different genes, bone density, height, etc., the body’s goals are very similar, if not identical.
We are all reciting the same morning and evening vows of prosperity and abundance.
Patience, kindness, apologizing, picking up trash, checking on your neighbor, calling family members more, feeding stray animals, finding contentment with your finances as opposed to making more money, being grateful for the bus stopping next to your house, being thankful for the bus stopping next to your house, and not wanting to change or change your car. An aging body, a pregnant body, a sick body, a body that has carried and given birth to another human being, a differently abled body, etc.
There may be vision boards like this, but it’s not ideal.
We are all free to dream, aspire and imagine the lifestyle we want; We all know that. All that needs to be said is that you can wish a little and simply dream and your dreams and wishes are still worthy.
You are not lazy. You have little or no faith because your dream life, the one you envision and create in your mind, is what those deepest desires and aspirations look like:
Walking or cycling everywhere you need to go, buying secondhand clothes, living easy homeEat what you grow and keep, make your own entertainment with what you have and have a good time at it, work and earn less, sleep in the afternoon, read guilt free on the porch, spend your evenings or weekends just hanging out with people, be they family, neighbors, friends or just strangers, and spend free on the makeup you’ve ever seen in your life, or spend many hours without your dollar.
If you never want to wear expensive perfume and you’re happy with a basic body spray or nothing at all, your wish is worth it.
If you have crooked teeth but don’t have an overwhelming desire to get braces, you’re not settling for less; You, my friend, have been touched by contentment.
Maybe you prefer to go for a walk, practice yin yoga or mat pilates, or dance to your favorite music, as opposed to doing HIIT and working up a sweat at the gym. Yes, you have wide hips, a good dose of cellulite, stretch marks, maybe a little belly pooch, and the workouts you enjoy won’t sculpt that body, but you couldn’t care less.
No, you’re not lazy because you don’t want to be an art form for others to enjoy on a daily basis for a lifetime of military-like training. If you’re at peace and see the value in the kind of body movement you enjoy, that’s what it’s all about.
If you’re not planning an expensive vacation, choose to take small breaks in your daily life instead – whether it’s a weekend trip to the beach, an afternoon at the beach, or a once-a-week trip or lunch at a nice restaurant – these are all ways to relax and enjoy new things. You are not settling for a mediocre life just because you are doing life differently or cheaply.
By today’s standards, being financially poor should not be emotionally poor, physically poor, emotionally poor, friendship poor, relationship poor, happiness poor, or joy poor.
You are not less of a person because you don’t drive a fancy car (or any car), you live in a small apartment instead of owning a house, you don’t own any luxury brands or items, you don’t vacation in Greece, and you attend a small vocational college (or none at all).
Define what is important and meaningful to you and don’t cast it in stone. Always allow yourself, your definitions, your principles, your values, your dreams, your desires, your visions, your affirmations, your emotions, your body and your belief systems to change, to evolve over time and with the changing seasons of life.
Life doesn’t always have to expand, climb and grow. It is down, reduced and compressed. This is fine. All phases of life are worthwhile and valuable, and you are allowed to enjoy them, live in them, and be at peace while you are at it.
about Muthni Amran
Muthni Amran lives in the coastal area of Kenya. She is a freelance Mandarin Chinese tutor who enjoys reading, walking, long conversations and the art of just being.
