10 Reasons Every Couple Needs a Prenuptial Agreement

• Marriage is already a legal contract; Prenups just let the couple write themselves in the fine print.
• A prenup does not predict the end; It simply confirms that it was settled by two people who loved each other.
• Renewable marriage contracts can motivate people to behave better.

There is an old joke: “What is a sure way to win money in Las Vegas? Invest in casinos.“

I’ve never heard of a couple exchanging vows in front of their family, friends and loved ones saying, “This probably won’t end well.” On that holy day in the courthouse, each couple believes their love is the exception—different, unique—one immune to statistics and the last argument about who gets to keep the $3,295 espresso machine. As a therapist I’ve spent enough years listening to scolding spouses who, in the words of Yuval Harari, say, “It’s all a story.” There is no objective truth, no there thereIt’s just “he said… she said…” (or “she said… she said…” or “she said… she said…” or “they said…”—you get the point).

Why a Prenup Makes Sense for Every Couple

A prenuptial agreement is not a sign of doubt or pessimism or weakness; For those who aren’t psyched about a 100 percent batting average, that’s the only mature decision to make. I’ve literally heard of husbands and wives just getting up one morning and unexpectedly going somewhere, for no apparent reason.

So here are 10 reasons every couple, regardless of income size, ego size, relationship history, or certainty of undying love, should have a prenuptial agreement:

1. Marriage is a legal contract. Beneath the oaths, flowers and first dance is a binding agreement that redistributes property, debt and support obligations, whether you ever read the fine print or not. Pretending otherwise doesn’t make it any less true; This means that someone else—usually multiple attorneys and a judge—will set the terms for you later.
2. A significant percentage ends in marriage Divorce. I don’t think the old “50 percent” myth from the 1980s is still floating around dinner parties, but the CDC currently estimates that number is closer to 41 percent for first marriages, with even worse odds for second and third attempts at this lifelong commitment.
3. Once a marriage deteriorates, people try to price the infidelity in dollars (and child custody time). Litigation became the language of resentment. Signed When everyone likes each other, a prenup takes a lot of that emotional terror off the table.
4. It’s probably the only honest conversation about money before a decade of shared history raises the emotional stakes of every disagreement. code red. A prenup forces two people to discuss fairness, which will tell you more about the relationship than the most idealistic wedding vows.
5. It protects everything that builds between you during marriage. Without an agreement, your business, your medical practice, your artwork and music—everything can become a bargaining chip in a divorce, regardless of what was actually created.
6. Prenups protect inheritance and family wealth. The money your parents designated for you should not end up as a document on the court table; A prenup can keep your grandparents out of the action.
7. Prenups replace potentially years of exorbitant legal fees with a few afternoons or weeks of paperwork. Attorney fees for contested divorces routinely run into six figures — and when forensic accountants and legal teams are involved, I’ve seen attorney fees run into seven figures. This is money that can go towards vacations, education, investments and retirement.
8. Prenups also protect the lower-earning spouse. A well-drafted prenup is not a one-way shield for the wealthy partner; It can set minimum provisions and support terms that guarantee the lower-earning spouse is left with nothing after years of shared life.
9. In California, marriages older than 10 years go to court indefinitely for spousal support. It’s not a life sentence, but it can be an open door, nonetheless. A prenup defines the terms in advance, rather than leaving them up to a judge years later.
10. Travis and Taylor have one! If a woman with a $2 billion empire decides the smartest move before marriage is a prenup set up by her father, and Travis agrees to it, that tells you something about where the real finances are. emotional intelligence No matter what your uncle or religious fanatics tell you, get down on this.

Call me sad, but in my workshop I used to joke that “marriage for life was a fantastic idea in the 13th century when the average life expectancy was 28. But now that the average person marries at 30 and lives to be 79, committing yourself to one person for 49 years might not be the smartest thing for a person to do.”

In the future—and in some places, people are already exploring this possibility—marriage contracts will be time-limited and renewable. It would be more like leasing than owning And since one party (the woman) is no longer considered chattel, renewable marriage contracts will make the institution feel less like an escape room. It can even motivate people to behave better.

Psychologically, when two people vow, “till death do us part,” and one or both parties break that vow, it often comes across as betrayal or abandonment. Prenups can be clouded by heightened emotions when separated from the usually accompanying annoyances at a time. A prenup does not predict the end; It simply ensures that if one ever comes up, it’s settled by two people who loved each other very much, rather than by attorneys who never… well, let’s just say that attorneys are probably more concerned with their families than yours.

Previously published Psychology Today

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