In A previous article in this series, I introduce you to Dev, a woman who was fully aware of her truth, how unhappy she was and what wasn’t working for her within her. marriageBut was too scared to share with her husband. Deb was in the middle of the second stage of the “truth” process, the stage when your head knows you’ll be okay and you can handle whatever reaction comes from telling the truth… but your body still doesn’t believe it. Your body is still a deep shelter fear Speaking your truth when that truth may be unwelcome and unwanted. And so, Dev, despite all that intelligenceAwareness, and self-sufficiency in every aspect of his life, was in a relationship for years, which made him anxious And alone And keep him in a constant state of unrestrained.
Dev also suffered from another aspect of the second stage of the “truth” process. Namely, self-criticism. Dev herself was depressed and frustrated because she could not or would not tell her husband the truth about her feelings. She accused herself of being a coward and a “fake-feminist”. While she was talking about a big game, at the end of the day, she “just wanted comfort” and wasn’t willing to walk the walk of an empowered woman. He didn’t have the strength to tell the truth and face the consequences, if it meant giving up his relationships (terrible as they were) and the security the family structure provided.
In his mind, her inability to be completely truthful was pathetic. An empowered woman is willing to be “authentic” no matter what. The fact that she was unwilling to shake up her world and face conflict meant that she was as controlled and vulnerable as all the women who came before her. May the freedom of women be respected.
The fact that she was acting out of fear, not power, and was driven by security and familiarity, not growth and change, the fact that she was paralyzed by some irrational unknown, was utterly unacceptable and shameful for Dev, as it was for many women. Dev was deeply unhappy in his relationship and feared losing it. Both were true. It was a painful bind.
I see this situation often: the frustration, fear and self-criticism women experience in the second stage of “truth”. At the same time, they subject themselves to self-judgment because of their reluctance to speak up full of True women, given their authentic need for peace, harmony, and grounding, may fear the backlash of speaking an unexpected truth, as less authentic and less acceptable than truths they choose not to share. They see the choice to honor stability over full disclosure as a form of self-abnegation, proving that they are weak, not fully free, and unwilling to truly “take care” of themselves. For women, “taking care” of themselves seems to include only the parts of their truth that they feel are worthy and valid, the parts they like, but not their whole truth and the reality of who they are.
But, in fact, all of this – your silence, unhappiness, fear, desire to break free and drive for stability – is part of your truth, and as such, all valid and need to be honored and respected.
My purpose, ultimately, is to set you free shame which surrounds the process of speaking (and no To encourage you to speak your truth, and stop blaming yourself for the choices you make and how you choose to take care of yourself. Additionally, to clarify why your fear is not just about maintaining comfort or routine, but is deeply connected to your fear. nervous system And, in fact, linked to your survival. I want to clarify where these fears of telling the truth come from, what they are really about, and why they are so powerful in determining your behavior.
Basically, I want to explore why these primal fears live in the body and often don’t make sense to the mind yet determine your choices. At the same time, my aim is to reconstruct the concept of “ the truth “So that you can no longer use it as a weapon against yourself, and to offer you more self-compassionate options for what it means to “take care of yourself” and “stand up for yourself”. Stay tuned…
