After working with over 500 men and couples, I’ve noticed a few recurring patterns.
After years in the trenches helping men find love, it’s clear that even otherwise-successful men have absorbed confidence-destroying messages from our culture and media that make dating unnecessarily challenging.
Some of these messages include:
“Women only like tall men with muscles or money.”
“Attraction is the key indicator of compatibility.”
“You’re not intrinsically worthy or lovable – that has to come from the money you earn or the woman you hold.”
This leads to an epidemic of self-criticism and bitterness along with strategic failures in dating, setting men up to find unattainable women and unhealthy relationships.
Common mistakes I see with my clients include:
- Focusing entirely on whether she measures up to him instead of assessing whether he’s a match for her.
- Focusing on what he lacks rather than what he has to offer.
- Focusing on content (the ‘right’/’clever thing to say’) rather than context (authenticity, underlying strength, and speaking from the heart) in communication
- Casting a fake too wide – trying to appeal to any woman instead of his ideal woman
Fortunately, these 4 problems can be prevented. Refocusing on your confidence, focusing on the deeper, inner qualities you bring to the table (which are actually what women are looking for), learning new communication techniques, and narrowing your search to find your ideal woman by putting your authentic self and true desires on the table are all within your power (sometimes, you just need a little help).
Time is the limiting factor for the people I work with.
They don’t want to waste time on endless dates with unpleasant women, or worse, in toxic relationships.
They know that the most important thing is how they feel with a woman – not how she looks. What really matters is feeling respected, liked, loved and that you are on the same team.
As you center yourself in your power, focus on honing the qualities your ideal woman (rather than ‘any’ woman) wants in a man, and put yourself in a position where he is likely to be…
The type of women you attract varies – they align with what your heart desires deep down.
And, you become an invitation for the right woman to meet you in your power and fullness.
I’ve seen this happen time and time again with my clients.
I’ll give you an extra tip: Date with the belief that women actually want you to succeed (because they do!) Women who make great long-term partners crave men with depth, soul, and heart.
Don’t waste time believing self-defeating messages and instead do the work to know you are lovable and worthy, develop self-respecting boundaries and standards, and go find him.
We are all finding our way through this wild human experience, hoping to find someone to navigate with.
If you want more on how to up-level your inner game when dating…
get my Free dating guide for smart men.
Stop unintentionally repelling the women you want to attract and break free from repetitive dating patterns.
Download 10 Ways to Meet Great Women — Offline Here. And attract beautiful and mentally-mature women you’re actually attracted to!
Dr. Jessica
xo
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This post was Previously published at medium.com.
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Photo credit: Unsplash freestocks
