In In these days of the poly crisis, you’ll hear about creepy men, broligarchs, the Epstein class, grifters, grabbers, and sometimes just grubs.
People, not just men, need love and reciprocity. So much talk about the epidemic of loneliness – to give just one example – is all too familiar to most men. One reason is that boys and men are online more. Programmers, tech grads, porn users, gamblers, gamers, start-ups, financial people and more are digital spaces where women are still underrepresented.
Then we also hear that women expect too much from men. A man can lose pride if they are not the primary provider. Let’s change it: women and men, caregivers, or care-givers, or truck drivers, or athletes; We all have to make enough to survive. Women, say some movements, should expect to be cared for by “her man.” Well, more women will say that she’s more proud of getting her grades, buying her own house, and earning it the hard way.
If men are more lonely than women, they hide it by repressing emotions and vulnerability even more. Women probably suffer from human rejection just as much, but are socialized to be more calm and collected about it.
We will fall into the same trap of class wars, culture wars, race wars and gender wars until we all realize that we all need to be on a more equal and just footing. This is what reciprocity is for.
While the culture of the mansphere perpetuates young boys and men, it is up to all men to show and celebrate our common ground and our unique and peculiar characteristics. There might be a hot tradewife and a formerly annoying incel in love somewhere, but I rather doubt it, given all the social baggage that surrounds us.
It’s important for men and women, different or not, to understand that while ambition is fine, aggression should be socially frowned upon. Having a good body is great, but most of us spend a large part of our lives (hopefully) being over 25, not getting taller or thinner, so it’s not the most important thing that many people think.
Or have a lot of money.
Flashing money around and using money to get others to work under you doesn’t always make others love you. It is a form of unidirectional power. In fact, it can make relationships difficult to navigate. “If I don’t do what he says, will I get in trouble at work?“”I guess I’ll date this guy because he treats me really nice, but do I have to settle? Just because my bio-clock is ticking?”
What is most needed to adapt to our fast-paced frenetic lives is to employ patience, kindness, reflection and interaction. And not just for humans.
Our changing culture is difficult for everyone to navigate. We need others to support each other and our precious planet. For many of these tasks, we need people who collaborate rather than suck-up. We need the confidence to see ourselves as worthy and not driven by societal forces, especially those who are lashing out rather than defending themselves. We don’t want to bully; We want partners.
We want partners, not a unilateral power push.
