Growing up with my grandparents and being the first child in the family, I received a lot of love and attention from them. I never really felt the need to seek validation or attention from other people.
In fact, I was often characterized as the least troubled or the most self-controlled of my cousins. My father was busy with his business, and my mother spent most of her time taking care of my sick sibling, so I rarely got their attention. But surprisingly, I don’t really think I missed it.
Was it an early sign that I was avoidant? Honestly, I don’t know.
I thought that was for everyone.
My relationship was great at first. I had a loving and caring partner, but eventually things began to fall apart. What was it to them? Was it me? I still don’t really have an answer.
But one thing I can tell you is that any acquaintance strikes me as someone who is quick to cut people off and move on.
I miss people not because they don’t matter, but because, subconsciously, I’ve always believed that no one is permanent.
Even so, it can still be painful.
Avoidance doesn’t stop your emotions. You may still feel abandoned. It’s kind of ironic, especially when you’re leaving.
For an avoidant, the moment a relationship ends, it can actually feel liberating. You no longer have to worry about the pressure of being tied down or building a future with someone.
But after a while that feeling faded.
A wave of frustration began to flow.
i am lonely
What if I become alone forever?
That’s when many avoiders find themselves back in the relationship and the same unhealthy cycle begins again. They reconnect, get hurt, pull away and repeat.
Does this mean avoiders are not worthy of a relationship?
If I’m honest, a part of me thought yes. Funny thing to say when I am one of them.
But what I really believe is that we owe it to those we love – and those we love – to heal as much as possible before it becomes a major part of someone else’s life.
Is it easy? Of course not.
But choosing to accept our flaws and work on them is always a good place to start.
After all, neither you nor your partner deserve an unhealthy relationship or the pain of never feeling truly loved by the person who could love you the most.
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This post was Previously published at medium.com.
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Photo credit: Kelly Sikkema from Unsplash
