We are not on good terms with breaking.
We treat it with indifference and try to dodge it. And the sad thing is that when we need more self-compassion, we turn cold. It is because of breaking our distorted relationship.
We have not familiarized ourselves with it because we have never sat with it.
We become resentful of anything and everything that breaks us down. This happens because we are selective about our experiences. We chase what comforts us and escape what breaks us.
Experiences that are comforting, pleasing to the senses and pleasurable earn a seat at our table, where painful ones are asked to leave.
It reveals our chosen bias towards life.
We do not welcome life in all its colors. Bright people get the best treatment while subdued people are ignored and sometimes even abandoned.
Such an uneven relationship with life experience is rooted in our lack of understanding of the true purpose of life.
When something breaks us, the emotions are dark, negative and painful.
Our system is not set up to accommodate them.
It runs, runs away or becomes numb.
This is happening because we haven’t seen ourselves beyond being “broken”.
We see this as irreparable damage that leads directly to decline.
We believe it will bring disaster in our lives.
We think “being broken” means the worst thing that could happen to us. We see this as our dead end, the point where we lose all our energy and this understanding Leads us to further despair.
Because we’ve learned to love life when it’s blooming, blossoming, and blooming, we reject it when it’s broken, depressing, and painful.
We dismiss anything that bothers us. We find these chapters working against us, making our story darker and darker.
We either avoid our brokenness or become bitter when we experience it.
Somehow, by despising brokenness, we fail to see what comes with it.
Long before it reveals the deeper truth it carries for us, we have already abandoned it.
Because of our dysfunctional relationship with brokenness, emotions that derail us and self-sabotaging patterns begin to take root within us.
So, what we really did was not only avoid our brokenness but also not lose the opportunity to receive what it came to teach us.
This insecure, weak relationship with brokenness becomes the root cause of seeing it as something unfair that happens to us.
Now, if we want to mold and repair this relationship, the starting point is to accept it.
It starts with embracing all the colors of life.
If we don’t change this dynamic, we will never get over the brokenness and get to the other sideNot as villains, but as a character building chapter in our story.
Who we become after a breakup depends on how we get through the breakup.
Starts only when braking is enabled.
When it is no longer rejected.
Sit with us if we allow.
When we choose to move through it.
We do it when we give it time.
When it is not seen as something against us.
When we embrace life, with its rains and storms, we get to see its rainbows.
Accepting life to the fullest does not mean we normalize or take comfort in pain or brokenness; It still makes us uncomfortable. However, we no longer see it as a threat.
It is to feel discomfort and pain while going through the breaking, yet being aware that it is serving us in ways we cannot yet understand or imagine.
It’s about seeing yourself as part of the process, trusting that it’s preparing you for the best things in the best possible way, rather than the grinding and grinding of it.
Once you stop being a villain, you start developing the skills to become one.
I decided to pick up art when I hit rock bottom in my life.
When I first felt the urge to explore and cultivate this art, I was raw, unable, and didn’t have the resources or mindset to explore my brokenness. But that urge was enough to get started. Things started to unfold step by step, and with each step, I could see what happened next.
Because I stopped ignoring my brokenness and began to observe it, I slowly began to understand the lessons that came with it.
It helped me slowly discover strengths within me that I never knew existed.
I found myself slowly becoming someone who is no longer easily jolted, triggered, controlled or influenced by external events.
Art revealed the slave I had been unknowingly feeding for so long, finally allowing me to be free.
It didn’t happen overnight.
I went through the seasons.
Each shaped me and prepared me for the next.
Looking back at all the layers, I see a step-by-step process that led me to develop the art of becoming after being broken.
At each stage, I underwent a change of mind that turned me into the person I wanted to be.
Stage 1: Breakthrough Awareness
Awareness begins with questioning. Because you don’t see anything good in it when the breakup first hits you, you start to question it.
“Why do I hurt?”
“Why did I choose to go through this?“
The questions may at first give the impression of resentment for the pain, but deep down, they are becoming a way to get closer to your pain and your brokenness.
This is because when you feel the urge to understand why you are experiencing an uncomfortable experience, you have the opportunity to approach it, this time not out of resentment, but out of a desire to understand why it entered your life.
So, this inquiry, even if it is beyond discomfort, becomes the connecting thread to your discovery of the purpose behind the pain.
And only when you get close to your break, do you get a chance to uncover the motive behind it.
In this situation, the pain in question becomes a kind of force that forces you to face the wound.
Change of mind:
Pain is not random; It is revealing something.
Stage 2: Decline of Control
“Can I stop myself from feeling this pain?”
You want to go back to your normal life because in this breakdown you lose control.
Your life was running on autopilot, where everything seemed to be under your control, until one day a breaking chapter broke you and took away your sense of control.
True, control was always an illusion; The breaking chapter revealed it.
You still try to regain control by repressing those difficult emotions or refusing to accept that something happened out of your control.
You search for control and fail.
Here you can realize:
You can’t escape your emotional pain with logic.
Change of mind:
Everything in me is not under my control.
Stage 3: Efforts to avoid pain
The moment the illusion of control is broken, you feel the full weight of your brokenness.
Because you didn’t anticipate the breakup or feel prepared to endure it, you start looking for ways to escape it.
You think escape is freedom.
You think you’ll regain control.
Facing pain fills you with fear, and stepping out of it feels like liberation.
But escape is not redemption; It’s late
Escape does not end the pain; It defers.
The more you try to avoid it, the more it consumes you, because escape may be physical, but brokenness is mental.
In this pursuit of escape you begin to feel a stronger pull to confront it.
This happens because even when you run away, on a strong level, you are still controlled by your brokenness, and that’s when you feel a strong urge to face it, deal with it, and navigate it.
Only by facing it can you truly be transformed and liberated.
Change of mind:
Running away doesn’t set you free; It prevents the transformation that awaits you.
Stage 4: Search for support beyond yourself
When you realize that running away is futile, the courage to face your brokenness doesn’t grow overnight. In that turmoil, you recognize that your current inner power is not enough.
Because running away didn’t help you, and facing the brokenness didn’t come easy, you began looking outside of yourself for support. You’re looking for something superior to combat the pain.
This change becomes the turning point of your journey. It calls you to surrender to the Source – who is truly in control.
It is through this surrender that you enter a divine realm, where you begin to transcend and discover your true power.
Change of mind:
I need something bigger than the present to hold me.
Stage 5: Reframing the break
What once seemed like scattered pieces of a puzzle now began to make sense.
In the divine light, you see your power and step into deeper awareness.
It’s the same place, but now your location is different. Braking is still there, but you look at it differently.
You rearranged the pause: “What was broken in me was never meant to serve me, so in that pause, I was favorable.”
Change of mind:
Broken is not destroyed; Fix it.
Stage 6: Surrender and Connect
You don’t want to end the pain anymore; You surrender the source.
When surrender occurs, pain loses its power to shake your peace. It can still surround you, but not suffocate you.
You stop resisting pain and brokenness because you now wear divine armor.
Change of mind:
I don’t need to control the process; I need permission to convert through it.
Stage 7: Conscious Restructuring
Now the real work begins.
You don’t fear pain anymore, and brokenness doesn’t scare you.
You sit with them, fully conscious, clothed in divine armor.
The same pain and brokenness is seen in a different light.
This is when you realize: it didn’t break to create a void; It’s broken so you can replace it with a better system.
What was broken were unhealthy patterns; What is lost is the version of you that could not sustain your future.
And now you restructure, this time consciously and deliberately.
You rebuild:
- faith
- mental patterns
- border
- identity
…
Change of mind:
I am not what I was; I can choose who I will be.
Stage 8: Emergence of a New Inner Power
This is when you see pain as a gift. This was your door to transformation.
It has come not to break you, but to break the weak systems within you.
You don’t just heal; you fall apart
Pain has helped you eliminate what is weak so you can build what makes you strong.
The new you is:
· Less fragile
· Less dependent
· More grounded
· More isolated
· More at peace
Change of mind:
My strength is no longer to avoid pain but to endure and transform it.
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This post was Previously published at medium.com.
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Photo credit: Ethan Hu at Unsplash
