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“Fear with a loud face is more likely to come out at you, but that doesn’t make it credible. Courage often has a quiet charisma, a virtue that fosters confidence in oneself and in humanity to overcome adversity. Acting with courage is its best insight, where our fear is most sublimely heard at the center.” – Judith Orloff, MD, author Emotional Freedom: Free yourself from negative emotions and change your life
When we need a change in our lives – to improve us Marsto deepen us satisfaction, To fulfill a dream, to simply develop into our full potential – an interim period takes place. This transition is a bridge – temporary, but necessary – to provide the framework to get where we want to go. The bridge itself is not temporary, and we can always go back, but it must be crossed, because what we are looking for does not exist in the way we are currently living.
There is an area of wilderness I often walk with my dogs. However, I haven’t hiked all the trails, yet I generally know their location. One day, while on a frequent trail, I decided to deviate from it and head for a new-to-me trail. I was off trail, but I had enough information about the trail system to know that it was what I was looking for (the trail I was still walking on) and, therefore, was able to figure out if I was on the right track.
The off-trail portion of my walk is more like an interim of our steps toward a choice to make an intentional change. If we want to find another trail that suits us better, we have to leave the trail. But we do not move hastily or without forethought.
We’ve done our homework; We are not stepping blindly into the abyss of the unknown, but we have never done what we are doing. This is new to us. Where we’re going, we’ve never been before, so we’re not operating on default behaviors or habits. Instead, hyper-vigilance with each step (literally, I was in the case of non-trails) to make sure we were stepping safely yet still making progress. With each step, we learn how to best navigate new terrain, a new terrain that brings us closer to where we want to be.
Now, arriving at our intended destination, we are not guaranteed to experience what we expect to experience. First, we may not reach. We can let our fear suppress our insight (which fear, as psychiatrist Judith Orloff reminds us, “As I see it, fear makes us panic and abandon our intuitive common sense.”), and if we allow fear to do this, we may not step on the bridge (interim), or we may begin to travel over the bridge, but return to what we know but it makes us unhappy. Either way, by doing (or not doing) that, we don’t allow ourselves to reach where we dream of reaching.
But whenever we want to expand, grow, fear will appear. to change
Anytime we’re doing something new by juxtaposing something that aligns with our true self (whether we fully understand, how to do, perceive, feel what will not diminish), there will be fear. Why? Because what we really fear, is what life could have been if we had trusted our guiding intuition and crossed the intervening path to finally reach the other side. If we don’t think about trying to see what might be, there will be no fear. This in itself is a sign that it is something to explore and take steps towards. (Read more about The real message of fear here)
And that’s the cool and key-to-understand part about the arrival of fear. This is how we gain courage.
“Courage or fear is a choice…
Now, let’s get back to the non-writing that Nell (my pup) and I have found ourselves in. I knew as long as I kept turning in the direction I had set myself, I would come across the path I was looking for. This path will take me exactly where I need and want to go. As I started walking, I had to zigzag a few times to avoid stumps, dips and trees. The trajectory was not a straight line, but gradual, with each step, progress was made. I suddenly thought that the edge of the new trail was quite a bit ahead of me, but I saw it! My steps quickened, and my lines became more direct and confident. Then a funny thing happened. Straight ahead of me was what I thought was a trail, but still a ways away, in fact it wasn’t a trail at all, but just a few short steps, I stepped onto the trail I was looking for. Yes, I was heading in the right direction, and yes, the confidence to step more definitely led me to find out sooner than I expected. Turns out, I was closer than I realized, but I never would have found it if I hadn’t strayed from my familiar path.
Now, you might be wondering – what else did you see in the distance? This is the beautiful gift we receive: our confidence is created when we choose courage over fear. This chosen courage soothes the fear that wants to narrow our insight and obscure any clear-eyed thinking. With our new self-confidence (which we gave ourselves!), we begin to trust ourselves to explore more, to try more and new things, and not to settle when our curiosity pulls us elsewhere. We have now strengthened our courage muscle to recognize fear when it arises. And when it does, we know how to interpret what it’s trying to say and what it’s trying to do.
Undoubtedly, each of us likes to continue on the bridges that span our new lifestyles – relationships, work, business ventures, the place we call home; New ways of engaging with the world – something new. Throw something out of our control that requires us to wait patiently before realizing our dreams. How we view interim experiences will determine where and whether we reach our desired destination.
And there are other notable things that happen in the interim that play an important role in shaping our results. Along the way, we are given the opportunity to learn the skills needed to thrive in our new destination. These will be skills we haven’t yet honed or, for whatever reason, chosen not to add to our toolbox. But when we run into these opportunities (our old selves would have described them as obstacles) during our transitional journey (often they appear as places of difficulty, intense stress, resistance that we’d rather not have to navigate), they come to help us. These are happening because learning such skills will ensure that we are fully prepared and able to live well in the new situations we want to be in.
So if you’ve already been on the Interim Bridge and experienced an untoward incident, recreate the experience. What are you resisting? Often, what we are resisting is what we need to explore within ourselves and have refused to do so either subconsciously or consciously up to this point. When we put our ego aside enough to realize this truth, we begin to open doors, doors that we will be able to step through to get to where we are meant to be as we walk towards a new destination.
Here’s a final analogy to keep in mind as you begin to step into the interim. I chose this particular bridge from my files of captured bridge photos because it exemplifies the beauty that is an opportunity for growth, if we choose to embrace it. That bridge is always there, if you muster up the courage to cross it. It’s strong, and it was designed to make sure you get to the other side safely. But it doesn’t force you to pass. That’s your choice. Handrails are permanent design details to ensure you don’t fall off either side. It is designed to be the tool to help you succeed. Interims are necessary, but as long as we see them as offering opportunities, not as obstacles, we’re going to get to the other side more surely, and perhaps more quickly. Choose to step on the bridge and continue all the way.
Here to choose to be brave, not to walk around scared. It will be nerve-shaking, but only it is important that we persevere. Have a strong and confident start to the new week.
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~Photo: At Halfmoon Bridge Crystal Springs Gardens in Portland, Oregon
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