Reflecting on my life so far, I am 22 years old and finishing my last semester, with graduation only a few weeks away. I have grown so much from what I have given. Sharing from my personal journey, although yours may be different, I wanted to share these lessons because they really made a difference in my life. Here are some of the main things I learned:
It’s okay to go back to figure things out.
You don’t need to stick to a strict timeline. Taking a gap year during my graduate studies to focus on my CPTSD and severe depression proved incredibly valuable. A much-needed break taught me more about myself than any semester.
I realized that I needed some time away from classes and assignments to think about my state of mind and the root of my struggles, instead of just covering them with endless prescriptions.
Before that, I was on more than five different pills at once, and I can’t even remember all their names. I often skipped doses or didn’t follow my doctor’s instructions because the side effects were so great. Back then, I lacked psychological insight and mistakenly believed that only medication could cure my mental health problems, not realizing that human life is much more complex than that.
Comparison is pointless.
I have learned to embrace my past, including my challenging moments in youth and childhood. Now, I feel more comfortable with negative comments from people in my ultra-conservative hometown. We all live unique lives, and if someone judges you for your choices—especially when you’re not hurting others—it actually reflects more on them than on you. These days, I feel confident about my life because I know I’m not harming anyone, and I live true to my values.
I lived my lowest time.
After going through the challenges of severe CPTSD and depression, I now understand the symptoms in a way that textbook learning never taught me. This awareness allows me to catch and prevent a mental breakdown before life becomes unbearably overwhelming.
I overcame my struggles and shaped my life, and now I enjoy a good quality of life. It has helped me appreciate the little things and develop a deep sense of gratitude for everyday moments. These experiences deepened my empathy for others facing challenges. When I encounter psychological problems, I respond with kindness and understanding, always aiming to connect in a humane and compassionate way.
I learned to identify what was really important and what was distraction.
I let go of brands and status, my shopping addiction and my need for external validation and status anxiety. Now, I find joy in being involved in my community rather than focusing on personal achievements and social status. I enjoy connecting with others more than competing.
I learned how to connect with people.
Over time, I learned to nurture and enjoy both professional and personal relationships in a steady, positive way. I no longer experience those emotional rollercoasters that can often be prevented with thoughtful conversations and wise choices.
I learned to prioritize my mental health.
I learned how to respect my boundaries and set realistic goals. I learned not to tie my self-worth to fleeting things like status or accomplishments. Surrounding myself with positive people and reaching out for support when I needed it also made a big difference. These lessons help me stay grounded and feel more fulfilled.
I have learned to manage my relationship with my family.
Setting healthy boundaries, understanding which battles are worth fighting, learning to compromise, working effectively with challenging people, and making sure I get what I need by keeping my distance when necessary—and still prioritizing achieving my goals.
University taught me academic skills.
I learned how to think critically, evaluate sources, and understand technical biology papers (since I majored in biotechnology). I also discovered effective ways to study for exams and get my assignments to the right standards on time. Managing my time became easier, and I learned how to handle administrative issues with confidence.
I now organize my tasks, events and deadlines using a calendar and to-do list, which keeps me on track. In addition, I improved my note-taking skills and began practicing active recall and self-examination to reinforce my learning.
University taught me discipline and life management.
Going to college taught me how to juggle university commitments along with other important things like internships, part-time jobs, taking care of my health, and managing household chores.
I learned how to live more independently, especially when away from my family. It showed me how to take care of my physical health and personal appearance and how to develop positive relationships with classmates and colleagues.
The experience has taught me the importance of fulfilling my responsibilities and the emotional consequences of neglecting them, which motivates me to remain responsible and focused and protect my professional reputation. Being abroad, managing my finances and managing all these aspects gave me a real taste of youth. While I’m still growing, I believe I’ve made more progress than I sometimes realize.
I became wiser in romantic relationships.
I stopped settling for a bad boyfriend. When they show emotional unavailability, I lose interest. If they don’t share the burden of the relationship and meet me halfway, I naturally shift my efforts to those who reciprocate the love.
It’s important to avoid dating someone who requires you to cover their expenses or who is financially irresponsible, such as borrowing money without a clear plan to repay it.
Respect and consent are essential – never settle for a man who feels possessive of your body, pressures you for sex, or becomes manipulative, aggressive or pouty when you refuse. Respecting your boundaries is a must.
Also, stay away from men who despise women, oppose feminism, or whose moral beliefs conflict with yours. Stay true to your values - Compromising them for “love” can leave you feeling empty, because true love is built on mutual respect and understanding.
Be a good friend and a girl’s girl.
Don’t forget to cherish and support your female friends like you would your boyfriend. Your female best friend can be incredibly loyal, sometimes even more so than your partner, and she truly deserves your kindness and respect.
Remember, a man should not sit on his back. Treat your best friend like a queen; The special bond you share is truly irreplaceable. Don’t forget to show your best friend that she is just as important as your boyfriend.
We all want to be friends not only in happy times but also when things get tough, like after a breakup. Being with each other makes your friendship stronger. Remember, every season has a best friend.
Embrace the beauty life has to offer.
I look back now and realize that taking a gap year to heal myself and focus on building stronger friendships with my female friends really changed my perspective. They are truly my lifeline – more meaningful than any drug
Ever since my nervous system found its balance, I could look up at the sky and think, What a beautiful day!
I started noticing and appreciating the small things around me: the handmade ceramic cups from that cozy Japanese cafe I frequent, feeling the artist’s fingerprints and admiring the rich brown-cyan glaze, the gentle sunlight softening and warming my skin, the complex scent of a perfume that should have flowed so perfectly through harmony.
Then, my mind was filled with anxiety about what I needed to do and what I was missing—thinking I had to be good enough, questioning why it was so hard or why I couldn’t be like everyone else.
I realized that I lived as a human being, not just a human being, constantly pressured to be productive, using it as a distraction from my deep-rooted, low self-esteem.
Now, I am grateful that I no longer see life as a pain but as a precious gift to be cherished.
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This post was Previously published in Kanca Sastra.
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